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November 01, 2006

Robert Byrd Releases Intended Letter About KKK

The actual letter Senator Robert Byrd wrote:

Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again, than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds.

Hot off the HP printer comes this "original" version of the letter:

Yo, what up G?

You know who should have a show? Bill Cosby. He's a warm, witty, likable guy. A credit to his race.

The human race, I mean. (Wink.)

Sinbad too. I like him. I'd like to see him have sex with my daughter. I'm completely, totally cool with Sinbad doing my daughter.

Even anal. I'm that cool about race.

And I stand behind my claim that Jimi Hendrix is the most innovative guitarist of the future 100 years.

You know what I don't like? Racists, that's what.

Anyway, Peace Out, brothers. I have to go down to my local African heritage bookstore and read up on my roots. We all came from Africa, you know.

Except for the Chinks. I don't know where they came from. Hell, probably. Yellow devils.

Keep it real,

Robby "B-Money" Byrd

PS: Pleae excuse that ironical reference to "Chinks." Jackie Chan can do my daughter up the squeakhole too. I'm totally cool with my Asian brahs.

PPS: I'll soon be releasing the original verion of this original, in order to correct that unfortunate use of the word "Chinks." I'm pretty sure I meant Orientals or whatever the hell the slanties want to be called now. I'll figure it out by the next original version of this letter.

Breaking: Australian Rape Mufti To Release "Prepared Written Remarks" Shortly: Apparently he misspoke.

His actual remarks were, "If you set out a plate of uncovered meat, and the cats eat at it, whose fault is it? That of the cats? Or the fault of the uncovered meat?"

But ABCNews has just received the written script of what he intended to say. It's far less objectionable:

"Look, if you go out to see Lambada: The Forbidden Dance, and are greatly disappointed, whose fault is that? Siskel and Ebert gave it two thumbs down, for crying out loud. Not even Rex Reed liked it, and that kind of movie is right up his alley, if you know what I'm sayin', and I think you do.

There simply hasn't been a good dance movie since the fifties, and yes, I'm including Dirty Dancing and Strictly Ballroom when I say that. They are greatly overrated. Though I have high hopes for Take the Lead, Praise Allah."

So what the hell is all the fuss about?



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posted by Ace at 04:17 PM

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