BREAKING: McCAIN JOKES ABOUT SUICIDE IF DEMS TAKE SENATE!!!! | Main | NYT Profits Plunge 39.2%
October 19, 2006

And Now A Message From Howard Dean

Laughing out loud. For real. Not just meant as an expression.

It's the Homos, Stupid

An Open Letter to the Conservative-American Community

by Dr. Howard Dean
Chairman, Democratic National Committee

Dear Valued Potential Customer:

As the leader of one of America's premier political parties, I know firsthand the importance of building bridges to the various communities and constituencies we serve. Unfortunately, when serving as many diverse communities as we do at the DNC, sometimes an important relationship can inadvertently fall through the cracks. Frankly, I realize we have not always brought our "A Game" when it comes to the concerns of conservative-Americans. That's why we would like to take this opportunity to start a dialog with you, the conservative "values voter," by addressing an issue of vital importance to all of us -- the growing Republican homo menace.

Despite what you may have heard on Fox News, we Democrats know what issues are on the minds of heartland conservatives like you. We know that your number one concern of is the safety of your children -- whether they are plucking their banjos on the back porch, speaking tongues to snakes at Jesus Camp, or torching crosses at your local Nascar racing contest. We also know that the number one threat to your children's safety is the scourge of international homo-ism. That's why we at the DNC have created "The Contract With American Hillbillies," a new multipoint investigation program to identify and root out conservative stealth homoism before it threatens you or your precious little inbreeds.

What we have found so far has been shocking. You may have already read the disgusting story of Mark Foley, the Florida Republican gay pervert congressman who spent night after night on the godless internet discussing unnatural sex acts and interior decoration with innocent underaged pages. And now our investigators have learned that Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig is less interested in Boise than he is in "boy-sies." Now that his sickening secret is out, the good conservative folks of Idaho can send this pansy packing to San Francisco where he can be Potato Queen in the the next pride parade.

He also writes of the GOP's problem with rampant negroism.

This pitch should resonate with you, because, let's be honest, you're all morons.


digg this
posted by Ace at 12:01 AM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
Zombie Yondu: "Nood. ..."

wooga: "[i]The striptease she did in True Lies for Ahnold ..."

Grump928(C): "Nacod Fusion ..."

Soona: "625 my fave xmas movie is the bishop's wife cary ..."

Buzzsaw90: "How did all this JLC is a hermaphrodite stuff star ..."

azalea city: "sessions and ruby Rod formed special super secret ..."

Off the reservation: "Ajit Pai on net neutralityhttps://www.youtube.com/ ..."

flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner: "[i]633 Net Neutrality simply means that all inter ..."

Dack Thrombosis: "Some guy named Ronald Crump signed off on it. Have ..."

JT in KC: "617 Not really--the internal reproductive organs u ..."

chavez the hugo: "but, having streets plowed is a fundamental right! ..."

blaster: "JLC dance scene in True Lies. Oh my. ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64