« Grassley's 2002 Bid To Eliminate Secret Holds | Main | Welcome New Coblogger Andrew »
August 29, 2006

Participatory Democracy In Action

Like many of you, I am appalled that one person, the so-called "Secret Hold Senator", is able to block the democratic process for his own selfish reasons. So deep and insulting is this affront that I woke up this morning and, for the first time, wrote a letter to my senator, Susan Collins.

I'm posting it here in the hope that it will encourage all of you to do the same. Democracy simply does not work if citizens refuse to get involved.

Content Warning: Extremely NSFW language after the jump.


Dear Senator Collins,

It has recently come to my attention that one of your colleagues in the Senate has placed what is being called a “secret hold” on S.2590, a bill that would allow for the creation of a publicly available database to track the distribution of federal grants and contracts. How anyone could oppose such a useful and needed piece of legislation is beyond me, for I feel that the benefits would be of immeasurable importance to our great republic. I personally have a great many concerns about where my tax dollars go. Specifically:

1. Are we focused enough on developing new assfuck technologies? We boast the mightiest army the world has ever known, but I fear the creation of a “butt-sex gap” emerging between our capabilities and those of our enemies. The ability to lay waste an entire continent with nuclear weapons is useful, but it is insignificant compared to the power to tap that ass. If my Xandria catalogue is anything to go by, the Scandinavian nations are already dangerously advanced in this crucial field. Faster, please.
2. Why can’t I watch my special edition DVD of “Serenity” in 3D? When I voted for you in 2000, it was with the understanding that you would introduce a bill earmarking federal funds for the development of next-generation 3D television sets with pictures so real that I would “shit all over my balls”. Granted, you never specifically said this, but it was clearly implied in your campaign literature. Six years in I have yet to see a single Reever jump off the screen in a frenzied attempt to rape me to death, eat my flesh, and sew my skin into its clothing. Where, Madam, has that money gone?
3. Are we still spending all sorts of money on schools? Because I don’t want to. Congress’ absurd pro-child bias is grossly out of step with the values of the American people and it’s time that someone bore responsibility for it. While I admit that there is a place in our educational system for pencils and textbooks, I fear that we have strayed from more traditional methods. My own educational materials consisted of nothing more than a gladiator harness, bootleg corn liquor, and a leather fetish mask, and I turned out okay. Let’s not coddle our next generation of leaders.

For these reasons and others, I strongly urge that you support the ongoing efforts to ferret out the person or persons responsible for blocking this much-needed bill.

Sincerely,
A Loyal Constituent

digg this
posted by AndrewR at 12:02 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
Adriane the Technology Critic ...: "with a stopped clock ... ..."

Soothsayer SLX Pro Series II Platinum Turbo: " UNLESS it's zombie apocolypse. How do The Wa ..."

MAxIE: "362 Being immersed in how these people really are ..."

Adriane the Technology Critic ...: "Counting down to Christmas ... ..."

Country Singer: "The Moron Horde in gif format:https://tinyurl.com/ ..."

Dr. Evil: "Cock ring with lasers, dammit. ..."

irright: "The comic book reading from my childhood wants to ..."

Alberta Oil Peon: "No. Omega Seamaster Posted by: runner at Decem ..."

hogmartin: "I'd be down with a watch thread, TBQH. Wearing a G ..."

Dr. Evil: " I want a cock with lasers! ..."

Grump928(C): "[i]If Masturbating Pete were here, he'd tell you - ..."

Jim[/i][/b][/s][/u]: "[I]Ditto. Wasn't doubting Jim, just the claim. But ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64