Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!


Contact
Ace:
aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com
Buck:
buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com
CBD:
cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com
joe mannix:
mannix2024 at proton.me
MisHum:
petmorons at gee mail.com
J.J. Sefton:
sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com


Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups






















« Bastards: By Vote, Astronomers Deplanetize Pluto | Main | Indian Charter School Principal: Liberal Condescension Has "Wiped Out Many More People Than The Klan" »
August 24, 2006

There's Hope For You Morons Yet: Woman Takes Out Ad To Lose Virginity Before 30th Birthday

You've got until November 7th to pitch yourself as a "higher-quality man:"

DiMuro, a self-proclaimed 29-year-old virgin, says she wants to lose her virginity before her 30th birthday on Nov. 7, and she's enlisted Jane magazine to aid her in her quest to get busy, the New York Daily News reports.

"I'm a little bit anxious about all of this," DiMuro said. "I guess this is why my stomach hurts so much. I never went all the way before because I didn't feel right — I just didn't."

A 29 year old is saying "went all the way"? I haven't heard that since Fast Times At Ridgemont High.

Maybe that's why she remained a virgin. She thinks she has to have sex with Damone, and then they'll argue about who wanted it more.

No, don't say that.

Update: Her blog here, with a pic. She's okay. Kind of goofy-cute.

The following story is actually better, but I didn't know how to give it a headline:

Prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately did not want her to know he had packed a sexual aid [a penis pump] for their trip to Turkey.

So he told security it was a bomb, officials said.

Madin Azad Amin was stopped by officials on Aug. 16 after guards found an object in his baggage that resembled a grenade, prosecutors said.

...

Amin faces up to three years in prison if convicted.

The cruel irony is that he may become a penis pump.


digg this
posted by Ace at 09:33 AM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
JackStraw: ">>Yeah, right AfD wants safety and security for it ..."

grammie winger - cheesehead: "He wasn't a Muslim, then? Just a guy who liked to ..."

fd: "Mostly peaceful Muslim. Mostly. ..."

FenelonSpoke: "He wasn't a Muslim, then? Just a guy who liked to ..."

FenelonSpoke: "Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at ..."

Gary Cooper: "Timeanddate is very good, you can put your exact l ..."

Ciampino - Except exceptionally exempting exhalted examples: "The NZ launch reminds me that on last night's ONT ..."

publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb): " The German elite want to ban the AfD party. Th ..."

Mary Jane Rottencrotch: ">>My ass smells like my ass. Meh.. ..."

grammie winger - cheesehead: "Apparently the Christmas Market murderer was a Sau ..."

publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb): " "Noon" comes from Latin. The Romans originally ..."

Ciampino - Except exceptionally exempting exhalted examples: "139 Not the best employees will never be found on ..."

Recent Entries
Search


Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64