There's Hope For You Morons Yet: Woman Takes Out Ad To Lose Virginity Before 30th Birthday

You've got until November 7th to pitch yourself as a "higher-quality man:"

DiMuro, a self-proclaimed 29-year-old virgin, says she wants to lose her virginity before her 30th birthday on Nov. 7, and she's enlisted Jane magazine to aid her in her quest to get busy, the New York Daily News reports.

"I'm a little bit anxious about all of this," DiMuro said. "I guess this is why my stomach hurts so much. I never went all the way before because I didn't feel right — I just didn't."

A 29 year old is saying "went all the way"? I haven't heard that since Fast Times At Ridgemont High.

Maybe that's why she remained a virgin. She thinks she has to have sex with Damone, and then they'll argue about who wanted it more.

No, don't say that.

Update: Her blog here, with a pic. She's okay. Kind of goofy-cute.

The following story is actually better, but I didn't know how to give it a headline:

Prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately did not want her to know he had packed a sexual aid [a penis pump] for their trip to Turkey.

So he told security it was a bomb, officials said.

Madin Azad Amin was stopped by officials on Aug. 16 after guards found an object in his baggage that resembled a grenade, prosecutors said.

...

Amin faces up to three years in prison if convicted.

The cruel irony is that he may become a penis pump.

posted by Ace at 09:33 AM

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