Bastards: By Vote, Astronomers Deplanetize Pluto | Main | Indian Charter School Principal: Liberal Condescension Has "Wiped Out Many More People Than The Klan"
August 24, 2006

There's Hope For You Morons Yet: Woman Takes Out Ad To Lose Virginity Before 30th Birthday

You've got until November 7th to pitch yourself as a "higher-quality man:"

DiMuro, a self-proclaimed 29-year-old virgin, says she wants to lose her virginity before her 30th birthday on Nov. 7, and she's enlisted Jane magazine to aid her in her quest to get busy, the New York Daily News reports.

"I'm a little bit anxious about all of this," DiMuro said. "I guess this is why my stomach hurts so much. I never went all the way before because I didn't feel right — I just didn't."

A 29 year old is saying "went all the way"? I haven't heard that since Fast Times At Ridgemont High.

Maybe that's why she remained a virgin. She thinks she has to have sex with Damone, and then they'll argue about who wanted it more.

No, don't say that.

Update: Her blog here, with a pic. She's okay. Kind of goofy-cute.

The following story is actually better, but I didn't know how to give it a headline:

Prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately did not want her to know he had packed a sexual aid [a penis pump] for their trip to Turkey.

So he told security it was a bomb, officials said.

Madin Azad Amin was stopped by officials on Aug. 16 after guards found an object in his baggage that resembled a grenade, prosecutors said.

...

Amin faces up to three years in prison if convicted.

The cruel irony is that he may become a penis pump.


digg this
posted by Ace at 09:33 AM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
Barack Hussein Obama: "[i]A simple "Thank you" isn't enough is it?[/i] ..."

Iron Mike Golf: "[i]22 Was at an event yesterday and an ex-Ranger w ..."

logprof cranking up Henry's Dress: "Style guide: It's Scooby-doo, not Scooby-do. ..."

redc1c4 [/b] [/i] [/s] [/u]: "FYI: i blew up the pic, and the gravestone in fron ..."

Farmer Bob: "49- Dad was stationed at Albany til 73. We lived i ..."

weirdflunky: "If you ever find yourself in Madison, Ga you shoul ..."

ALH: "(BOO) ..."

mr_jack: "One-hit authors: I have one for you. My wife an ..."

Professor Chaos aka Gumdrop Gorilla: "I remember a Scooby-do episode that dealt with tre ..."

Iblis: "[i]282 To me, and I stand to be corrected, the odd ..."

Ripley: "Gen. Kellys remarks will be be lost on hard left&n ..."

ALH: "135 Sometimes it's not. 8) ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64