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August 18, 2006

The Panic Room

The left prides itself on its "freethinking," and castigates the right for "repeating the Bush/Rove mantra," but the left sure just seems to repeat the same blog-propagated nonsense over and over.

Their big one right now (and for a few months) is that they're all too "manly" to be a-sacared of terrorists. Whereas we "piss our diapers" at the thought of "brown people." With "vasline." Or even "peroxide-based slurry liquid bombs."

We're such chickens. Bwak, bwak.

As threads are a good place for catharsis, I thought I might do the dextrosphere the service of providing a thread where you can admit your abject terror and mind-numbing fear at all the events in the world-- assuming, of course, you can keep your hands from trembling long enough to actually type on a keyboard.

I'd wish you all "Courage," but I have none to give. My teeth are chattering so damn hard I can barely think above the din.

Whoops, I just made a mess in my boxers again. I thought of a "brown person" and was so overcome by shirt-drenching fear I lost all involuntary control over my excretory system. Let me lock the doors, peek out the windows for "brown people," and wash myself, and I'll be back as soon as I'm done having a terror-induced conniption on the floor.

I schedule those for around 12 every day. It's good for the abs. It's like a cardio version of Pilades.

Nothing To See Here Folks Update: On the flight-disrupting Pakistani-pen-pal woman, who did in fact have a screwdriver:

"She made reference to being with people associated with two words," the affidavit said. "She stated that she could not say what the two words were because the last time that she had said the two words she had been kicked off a flight in the United Arab Emirates."

What were those homo pussyboy faggit Air Marshals thinking, overreacting to a perfectly-innocent and not-at-all worrying statement like that?

Fuckin' fruitcakes we have in the Air Marshal corps. I'm surprised they found the time to subdue her in between shitting themselves and blowing each other.

True Tales of Terror From Aos: Wiserbud--

While walking form the parking garage to my office this morning, I heard what sounded like the soft mewling of a kitten from out of an alley. I froze in terror, unable to move, as the sound came closer and closer to me. I eventually became so overcome with terror that I bolted back to my car, raced home and have been working from under my bed ever since (thank you, wireless connection.)

I have no proof, but I am sure that it was not a kitten, but was, in reality, a "go" signal of the surburban terrorist. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but someday soon, I am sure I will be proven correct in my assumption.

Then who'll be laughing, huh? HUH?

That poor man. I shudder to think how he'll soldier on with the mental scars from this horrific encounter.


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posted by Ace at 11:31 AM

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