Sponsored Content
Pray For Fidel -- Michael | Main | Go To Bed, Ace -- Michael
July 31, 2006

Bulwer-Lytton Awards For Internet "Slash" Fan-Fic

Hokay. The Bulwer-Lytton Awards were established to recognize the worst opening lines in published fiction.

"Slash" fan-fic is a type of lunatic Internet twaddle in which writers, so to speak, write obscenely sexual porn about people from TV shows and movies. For some reason, a lot of women geeks write it, and for some other reason, they seem to prefer homosexual liasons between male characters. The shorthand "slash" derives from their indication of who is involved in the sexual doings: Gimli/Legolas, James Bond/M, etc.

And they seem to have a particular hard-on for "Kirk-slash-Spock" couplings.

Anyway, Something Awful has looked for the worst opening lines in "slash" fan-fic. Content warning, obviously. I don't think there's anything worse than this:

Lennie Briscoe had a case, a case that meant the difference between the bad guys going to jail for a very long time and the perps walking on a technicality, but standing between Briscoe and Justice was DA Jack McCoy and the only way to get him to press charges on the suspects was to make the DA [orgasm] harder than he ever had before, which wasn't an easy task when you had A-list [fellatrices] like, Lt. Van Buren, who had been known to ride a stiff at a crime scene until it came back to life.

Lennie Briscoe.

For the love of everthing holy, the man is dead.

I sort of doubt the physics of using a hobbit as an inserted sexual device, but apparently one can do so, even "until only the little manlet's feet dangle[] out."

I would propose a contest along these lines, but it would be far too depressing and creepy.

Scott sends this homoerotic, Abu Ghraib style "slash" coupling:

Surely there must be an injunction against this in Leviticus somewhere.

Something needs to be done.



digg this
posted by Ace at 10:17 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
All Hail Eris, Sans-Culottes (except for the Book Thread): "How do you pronounce Uwe? -- OO-Vee ..."

Mark Andrew Edwards (Logan Tiberius 2012-2021): "257 Maybe I missed it?....Haven't seen a single me ..."

Bertram Cabot, Jr.: "How do you pronounce Uwe? Ewe or OOOOOOeeee? ..."

Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden: "TJM will now be known as Open Blogger. Forevermor ..."

Bertram Cabot, Jr.: " [i]The joke was on me: it was Logan Ramsey (inst ..."

BignJames: "Maybe I missed it?....Haven't seen a single mentio ..."

Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden: "FIRST!!!!! ..."

ShainS -- Ctrl+Galt+Delete to remove the The Great Reset malware virus [/b][/i][/s][/u]: "249 108 I watched "Million Dollar Baby", once. It ..."

Notorious BFD: "[i]Great post, TJM[/i] Seconded. ..."

All Hail Eris, Sans-Culottes (except for the Book Thread): "I expect you to follow along with Uwe Boll! Poste ..."

Buck Throckmorton: "Enjoyable post! Thanks. Eastwood has always been m ..."

All Hail Eris, Sans-Culottes (except for the Book Thread): "I like Peter Weir's earlier, weirder films: The La ..."

Recent Entries
Search


Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64