I AM SICK OF DEPRESSIVE SPAM-COMMENTS

What the eff? What the effing eff? Aren't spam comments supposed to provoke interest?

Have you SEEN the crap that's getting spammed to this site lately?

"Yeah, so, nothing really going on here..."

"One day just seems to bleed into the next, lifelessly..."

"I've just been staying at home waiting for something from the mailman. I forget what. Oh, right: the sweet release of death..."

"I'm not sure if I've reached my life's goals yet, unless you'd say you've 'reached your life's goals' by watching upwards of twelve hours of Law & Order per day and writing menacingly sexual letters to Jill Hennessey..."

"Great design! Just wanted to let you know that before I took a pair of pinking shears to my throat. Oh, before I off myself-- did anyone see the last Entourage?"

"Not much new to report, except that I just stuck my hand in high-speed rotary lathe. Just got tired of having 'chubby fingers.' But I'm not sure if I like my new 'omnifinger' look..."

"You know, they always make it look easy, but tying a proper noose is a bitch and a half..."

"Just hangin' out, running my hands through the unwashed black mass of hair, listening to The Cure, watching The Craft, thinking about exciting new ways to apply eye-liner to my nostrils..."

"Wish I could say I had good news, but nope, still waitin' for that call from the warden. Eh, it's okay. The AIDS will probably get me first. Got me a real bad case of 'the skinnies' at this point..."

"I no longer have the energy to bathe myself, nor to get up from my bed to evacuate my bowels. So I just sort of stew in black pool of my own foul all day long..."

"Great site, guys! Just sittin' around, thinkin' about It's A Wonderful Life. You know George Bailey's problem? No follow through. Okay, see you in the next life!..."

What. The. Hell?

Has a computer program scanned through my words and diagnosed me -- and therefore all of my readers -- as debilitatingly-depressive shut-ins and desperately lonely pre-suicides?

posted by Ace at 02:35 PM

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