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June 10, 2006

Dudes open can of whoop ass on burglar, get sued by burglar for inflicting "emotional distress"

I wonder if the judge will even hear this case. I hope to God not.

ROCHESTER, N.Y. â€” A man who was beaten by employees of a store he was trying to rob is now suing.

Police say Dana Buckman entered the AutoZone in Rochester, New York, last July, brandished a semi-automatic pistol and demanded cash.

That's when employees Eli Crespo and Jerry Vega beat him with a pipe and held Buckman at bay with his own gun.

It would only be cooler if the employees were dressed as superheroes whilst commencing the painful, more literal version of what we street hookers call a "pipe beating."

Now Buckman is suing the auto parts store and the two employees who beat him, claiming they committed assault and battery and intentionally inflicted emotional distress.

Buckman, while wetting his pants, whined that the employees had the audacity to beat him 'after he'd already left the store.' No charges were filed against Eli and Jerry for their determination to beat the dude with their large pipes; however, all the remaining employees of Auto Zone were charged with misdemeanor battery for excessively high-fiving and man-hugging the heroes and causing them to miss work due to 'hands and backs that really smarted for a couple of days.'

posted by Feisty at 04:57 PM

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It would only be cooler if the employees were dressed as superheroes whilst commencing the painful, more literal version of what we street hookers call a "pipe beating." Now Buckman is suing the auto parts store and the two employees who beat him, claiming they committed assault and battery and intentionally inflicted emotional distress. Buckman, while wetting his pants, whined that the employees had the audacity to beat him 'after he'd already left the store.' No charges were filed against Eli and Jerry for their determination to beat the dude with their large pipes; however, all the remaining employees of Auto Zone were charged with misdemeanor battery for excessively high-fiving and man-hugging the heroes and causing them to miss work due to 'hands and backs that really smarted for a couple of days.' posted by Feisty at 04:57 PM \| Access Comments <script language="javascript" src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/addyn/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=700;cookie=info;target=_blank;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]"></script><noscript><a href="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adlink/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" target="_blank"><img src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adserv/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" border="0" width="300" height="250"></a></noscript>	Recent Comments [/i][/b]andycanuck (hovnC)[/s][/u]: "Maral Salmassi @MaralSalmassi Despite claims made ..." jimmymcnulty: "Are Australian pizzas served upside down. 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