The Funniest and Most Honest Lab Report You'll Ever Read

I don't think he turned this paper in. But I do think he did all the experiments, turned in a dishonest and unscientific paper, most likely with fudged data, and then wrote this accurate, honest, truly scientific assessment of his experiment.

Title, abstract, and conclusion:

Electron Band Structure In Germanium, My Ass

Abstract: The exponential dependence of resistivity on temperature in germanium is found to be a great big lie. My careful theoretical modeling and painstaking experimentation reveal 1) that my equipment is crap, as are all the available texts on the subject and 2) that this whole exercise was a complete waste of my time.

...

Conclusion

Going into physics was the biggest mistake of my life. I should've declared [Computer Science]. I still wouldn't have any women, but at least I'd be rolling in cash.

He exposes a critical truth: college (and most definitely) high school science lab experiments primarily teach people how to lie about their data, and secondarily about futility and the total uselessness of experimentation, which really aren't the first things you want budding young scientists learning.

Teachable moments aside, it's frickin' funny.

Thanks to Oregon Muse (banned).

posted by Ace at 01:23 PM

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