"Private" vs. Actually Private | Main | Aaron's Rantblog Hacked, But Still Ranting
May 12, 2006

What Super-Secret Information The NSA Has On You

What would the NSA find if it analyzed my calling history? Or yours?

Assuming you're like me, they'll find the following nuggets of super-secret, very private, and potentially comprosing information:

* I call my mom on holidays, her birthday, and a couple of times a month in any event.

* I call my dad less often.

* I call a couple of friends on occasion.

* I occasionally call Dell computer and stay on the phone for hours with them. Then I call them back a couple of times more. Because they can't fix anything on the first or second try. Dell apparently utilizes an analogue of the three-date rule. Sure they'll eventually "put out," but only once you've shown enough persistance to convince them you're really interested in them emotionally.

* And yes, I occasionally call my cable provider, my phone company, guests I'm trying to get on my show, etc.

Liberals-- what super-duper secrets do they have on you?

Of course, anyone could guess at a lot of the people I call. If they simply spoke to a friend about me, they could find out my relatives and friends and so forth, and pretty much know every number I might be dialing in a week.

Liberals like to imagine that the NSA really gives a shit about them.

Trust me, they don't.

You're not very important in the scheme of things. Most of us aren't important "in the scheme of things," actually, but you're, well, a little less than unimportant.

And you must know that, in your hearts.

Let me prove it to you. All you jackasses are running over here to post on my site. When you do so, you provide your IP to me.

I don't like you. I've never met you but I don't like you. You're annoying and venomous and very stupid, and what's worse, you're the sort of stupid that's so stupid it mistakes itself as smart.

The following is NOT a threat; I would NEVER do what I'm about to say I *could* do; I am only saying this to expose your pretense about concerns abour your sacred privacy.

But, you know-- once I have your IP, I could pay $50 for a simple program to find your exact street location, and then it would only take an interent reverse-address look-up to find your name. And then, likely, I could find your employer.

Now, I don't like you. You know that. If you're so worried about your privacy, why are so blithely unconcerned I might do such a thing, and let your employer (assuming you have one, which is a little doubtful, quite frankly) know you're jerking off on the Internet on company time?

Again, I wouldn't do such a thing. Not even because I object to it in principle (though I do). Not because I fear legal ramifications (which are minor and unlikely-- after all, this is information you willngly and knowingly provide to me).

No, I wouldn't do any of that because, fundamentally, I don't give a rat's ass about you. You're not even on my radar. I care less about you than the last cigarette I stubbed out. I have less an emotional investment in you, even in a bad way, than I do about the fact that they voted the "Rocker Dude" off of American Idol.

Now, if I don't give a shit about what you say or what sites you visit or who you communicate with, and you're actually kind of hasselling me by polluting my blog with your stupidity and hatred -- how the hell do you imagine a terrorist-hunter at the NSA has time to give a crap about you?

If you don't have any fear about me -- not screened by security procedures, in no danger of losing my blog-job by using information in an unlawful manner, etc. -- how do you delude yourself into believing the Bush Administration is verrrry concerned about when you call Mom on Mother's Day?

You don't. So stop pretending you are.

I know it's fun to pretend you're important enough to care about, but trust me, you're not. Internet trolling is just about the lowest level of speech, a past-time only for the ineffectal, the impotent. Those with wayyyy too much time on their hands to actually count for beans in real life.

Liberals are forever whining that their right to dissent is being "chilled." If only. You jackasses never seem to shut the eff up, and you seem to have all the time in the world to spit bile at perfect strangers on blogs.

So color me unconvinced you're worried about your privacy.



digg this
posted by Ace at 01:50 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
publius, the Persistent Poperin Pear: " With "utilizaton" voltages, most wiring is rate ..."

X-ray: "I shot, skinned, and gutted a squirrel today. Its ..."

BignJames: "I shot, skinned, and gutted a squirrel today. Its ..."

ScoggDog: "[i]308 I shot, skinned, and gutted a squirrel toda ..."

Alberta Oil Peon, survivor of GNAMM: "Dood, only reason I even know about the fires is t ..."

NaCly Dog[/i]: "Nevergiveup Pretty cool. Hope the backstop ..."

publius, the Persistent Poperin Pear: ">> Don't most things come with a plug that dictate ..."

You will love my Richard: "I shot, skinned, and gutted a squirrel today. Its ..."

PMRich: "I left just shortly before the flood. Anybody ..."

Under Fire: "Maxine Waters: 'I Will Go and Take Trump Out Tonig ..."

Misanthropic Humanitarian: "But don't try to take away my food processor or I' ..."

Peaches: "pixy, one of these days, boy, one of these days, i ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64