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April 21, 2006

Darwin Award Academy Upset At "Losing" Two Worthy Nominees

'Cuzzin' they didn't die.

ITEM: Man goes to doctor complaining of headache; 12 nails discovered in his head, fired by nailgun, in what was either 1) a botched attempt at suicide, or 2) a badly botched attempt to follow Ikea's shelf-installation instructions.

Surgeons removed the nails with needle-nosed pliers and a drill, and the man survived with no serious lasting effects, according to a report on the medical oddity in the current issue of the Journal of Neurosurgery.

The unidentified 33-year-old man was suicidal and high on methamphetamine last year when he fired the nails β€” up to 2 inches in length β€” into his head one by one.

The nails were not visible when doctors first examined the man in the emergency room of an unidentified Oregon hospital a day later. Doctors were surprised when X-rays revealed six nails clustered between his right eye and ear, two below his right ear and four on the left side of his head.

The study did not say how long the nails were, and a hospital spokeswoman refused to release that information. A photo published in the study suggests the nails range from 1 1/2 to 2 inches long.

No one before is known to have survived after intentionally firing so many foreign objects into the head....

But then, the Guinness Book of World Records stopped keeping track of this particular record after Kurt Cobain's death in 1994.

He did this a year ago. With no lasting damage. Except for headaches. And receiving the Cinemax rainbow package directly into his frontal cortex.

All those bad Eric Roberts soft-porn movies get to a man after a time.

Thanks to Old Coot and RLW.

ITEM: Man sets himself ablaze after attempting to open gas can with chain saw.

An Ottawa man is in serious condition and was airlifted to the burn unit at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre in Toronto after accidentally setting himself on fire yesterday morning while trying to cut open a gas tank with a chainsaw.

The Ottawa Fire Department said 62-year-old Stanley Hill had been doing some cleanup work on a rural property at 4679 Ridge Rd., off Walkley Road, about 10 a.m. when, they believe, a spark from the saw caused a small explosion and a flash of fire to spread up his body and head.

Mr. Hill put out the fire. He drove himself about 100 meters across the road to a farmhouse where a startled female resident called 911. Paramedics treated him for second- and third-degree burns to his face, head, chest, back, arms and legs.

"I'll never use a chain saw to open a gas tank again," Mr. Hill vowed. "Next time, I'm a-gonna use me a high-powered nail gun. I'll angle the nails off of my forehead to lower their velocity-- for safety's sake, you understand."

Thanks to Craig.


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