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March 07, 2006

Deputy Fire Chief: "You Caught Me... I Tried To F**k Your Sheep"

Frank Rich was right! Brokeback Mountain really has caught on in the heartland!

Okay, yeah, they didn't have sex with sheep. But they had sex near sheep, okay?

Leroy Donald Johnson was caught this weekend in a barn with his pants down, literally, according to a sheriff's office report.

"You caught me ... I tried to (expletive) your sheep," Johnson told his neighbor, according to the report.

But the Mesa Fire Department deputy fire chief changed his story when a sheriff's deputy arrived on his doorstep minutes later, denying anything happened.

Johnson, 52, was jailed on suspicion of disorderly conduct and criminal trespassing...

Criminal trespassing? Illegally entering the property of another?

I guess that's one way to say "sticking your business in someone else's farm animal."


This guy? No way.

...after the neighbor told investigators he found Johnson, unzipped and holding a sheep down on its side.

That's the sanitized version. The Maricopa County Sheriff's Office report released Monday night is a little more graphic.

Johnson's neighbor told sheriff's deputies he was called home Saturday afternoon when his 13-year-old daughter saw Johnson drag one of their sheep into a barn.

...

According to the deputy's report, "(The owner) took me into the back yard and showed me where he and (neighbor) pulled up. He took me through the corral gate and I saw the victim for the first time. She was a small gray lamb about three feet tall and four feet long."

The men then told the deputy they walked over to the small barn, opened the door and "saw Leroy holding the lamb down on its side in the hay with his pants down trying to have sex with it. That's when he made the statement about (expletive) the lamb."

In Leroy's defense, the lamb did look almost old enough to be a ewe.

The men said Johnson stood up and zipped up his pants.

"The sheep ran out of the barn at that point," the report says.

Johnson apologized, according to the report, and said he'd had "too much to drink."

I for one am astonished that alcohol played any role in this.

Thanks to Joe, who opines: "I think this man was just using his sexuality, as we all use our sexuality, as a part of his personal armory in daily battle."


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posted by Ace at 07:57 PM

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