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February 06, 2006

Super Bowl Poetry Contest Results!

Ok, I’ve painstakingly analyzed the entries, and after diligent consideration and waiting as long as I could for one stinking bribe (your integrity is secure. either that or who would waste a bribe on this silly contest? I take it back, you’re all a den of vipers!),

Anyway I’ve decided to post the results. Haiku was the most popular choice, which is quite consistent with the AoSHQ LifeStyle™

This one from Feisty deserves honorable mention, mostly because she’s throwing down with Monty, and really, who can’t get enough of that?

A poetry thread
Without blathering Monty
Just like flat beer

Yes, I know, you’d think the one about her nipples would have been a shoe-in. That was a bold move, but I found it strangely disturbing. Disturbing in my pants.

Second place was a double entry, and a nice shot at all us perverts, from lauraw.

I am pretty sure
Feisty just friggin' smoked mine
with her nipple-talk

'cause you're all silent
maybe taking a breather...
or masturbating.

But the winner, early out of the date and staying strong right up to the end, was from ts.

It is half time now
Fifty million toilets flush
No water to drink.

Well done sir. Very well done.

In the “Loose Shit” category, the creative juices were really flowing. And by creative juices I mean booze.

Second place to BumperStickerist, mostly for using the word “ephemera” in the title.

The Persistence of Ephemera
The Commericals
Will be Remembered,
Long After We Forget
the Exploits
of the Men on the Gridiron
That Day.

First place for Loose Shit, to Mrs. Peel. We always suspected love and football didn’t mix. We finally got one of you to admit it.

Super Bowl party
Why must I attend you?
Is it because
You are an engagement party, too?
Love and football don't mix
But apparently, love and bean dip do.

And lastly, Damned Inspiring. More than merely invoking a chuckle, or a remembrance from the mists of antiquity, these touch your soul. They leave fingerprints. And make you want to go wash your hands.

Second place, to Phinn, for putting us in touch with our football-loving souls, with this:

Professional sport participant --
O mighty warriors of the Game,
pitted against your bretheren,
locked in endless battle, full of
enthusiasm! You are
mercenaries for points,
transplants in your adopted towns,
as much affinity with
your fans as the players
of an inter-corporate softball match
between FedEx and UPS
would have with an unexpected spectator
who stopped to watch
their game.
Strive on, paid athelete!

But Monty takes the prize, and this was a painful decision because that line about breath and billows of steam always makes me think about the Ice Bowl and that goddamn Jerry Kramer dammit dammit…

Oh. Sorry. Good poem Monty.

I was always a Vince Lombardi man
A George Halas man
You play the game in the dirt
In the mud
You win the game on the ground
In cold so bitter your linemen look
Like a string of Alsatian horses
Their breath coming in billows of steam
The game is played indoors
And it's a game of passes
And complicated offense
The players are millionaires
Being coached by millionaires
And none of them remember
How a ball feels at twenty below
In Lambeau field
In the dead of winter

You people are just silly. Have I ever mentioned that? I think so.

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posted by Dave In Texas at 12:14 PM

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