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January 22, 2006

New Osama Videotape Surfaces

TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS:
My message to you is about the media. Only metal breaks metal. Also, paper covers rock and scissors cut paper. Our esteem in the NY Times continues to get better and better, while your situation is the....uh...opposite of that.

But I plan to speak about the repeated errors your President Bush has committed.

(reads two Maureen Dowd columns aloud)

On another issue, jihad is ongoing, thank God, despite all the oppressive measures adopted by the U.S Army and its agents which is to a point where you can barely get a decent suicide bomber any more.
(talks to someone off camera)
Abdul, what was that last guy? Retard? No, the short one. Both of them?
Ridiculous.
(faces camera)
Aaaanyway.
We have a proposition for the American people. We are willing- just because we like you, you understand- to enter into a truce. We will be giving up our advantage, but we don't mind. We're good like that. You should not be embarrassed.
And think of how much you'll save on ordnance! Everytime you plug a jihadi, its like, seventy bucks or something. Add it up.
You can see that this is a win-win situation for you.

In addition to these fabulous savings, you'll automatically be entered as a member of Osama's Book Club, and receive a new book in the mail each month, starting with Al Franken's The Truth (with jokes).

Finally, I say that war will go either in our favor or yours.
If you liked this pick, please check out my website for Osama's Pix, upper right hand corner of the Welcome screen.

This weekend: I like Denver. And Pittsburgh.
Bonus: Either Seattle or Carolina will be victorious.

Let this be a lesson to you.

ENDS


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posted by LauraW. at 01:42 PM

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