GeekPorn: The Weapons Of Conan The Barbarian

Hell in a Handbasket just sent me that tip about the LA Times publishing a hoax story on page one, so, it seems, I now have to play "tag-team with hyperlinks" with him.

See, he just said I'm important, so it's time to say, "I'll have none of that, Hell in a Handbasket. You are the one who is most exquisitely important."

But, seriously, I love Conan the Barbarian, though I was pretty disappointed with it as a kid. As an adult-- it's better. Not great, but lots of fun. And the weapons and armor are terrific.

Swords.

Spears. I'm a big fan of the spear. You don't see spears used prominently in movies much. They're very disrespected as a medieval weapon. Dragonslayer made good use of one, and of course Troy had a lot of short-spears.

Axes. The axe is a sort of dumb, brutish retarded cousin to the handsome, stately, upwardly-mobile sword. They get more respect than spears, just because of the Heavy Metal/Frank Frazetta cache of that big blade held overhead, but not enough. Usually a bad guy uses one. Or maybe a big thuggish sidekick to the hero. They're aren't many axe-wielding heroes, unfortunately.

Other weapons, including the giant maul and bows.

Now he and I will pile on the poor working-class wretch who ran that hoax story on the front page of the LA Times. Because incivility and schadenfreude in the hands of a spoiled effete brat is kind of like a snake-arrow in the hands of James Earl Jones.

posted by Ace at 11:30 PM

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