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December 27, 2005

Germany: There's More To It Than Hitler, You Know!

British schoolbooks being revised to not place such an emphasis on the whole Azi-Nay ing-thay.

They'll begin emphasizing other important facts about Germany. They'll try to "balance" its 12 year history of genocidal fascism with all the good things Germany has given us.

Top Ten "Balanced" Facts --Some Good, Some Bad-- To Be Stressed About Germany In New British History Textbooks

10. Kraftwerk

9. Somewhere in Dusseldorf there's a pensioner who bombed your granddad while he was planting leeks

8. Guys who wear Lederhosen and yet only look about 25% gay

7. They know how to keep the death-trains running on time

6. Were it not for Germany, David Hasselhoff never would have had a career in music (not sure how to categorize that one)

5. Nena (but also: Nena's frighteningly hairy armpits)

4. The Vokswagon Van, the preferred vehicle of psychopathic serial-killers

3. They make wicked-sick porn; plus, you have a 30% chance of getting laid just by toting around a book of Rilke's poetry

2. Killed north of 30 million people, a good fraction of that in industrialized state-sanctioned murder-factories, but still whine about the bombing of Dresden, as if they weren't begging for it -- for crying out loud, look what we did to Japan, and they didn't even kill Glenn Miller

...And the Number One "Balanced" Fact To Be Stressed About Germany In New British History Textbooks...

1. They still scare the French absolutely shitless

The French are our cowardly-canaries-in-the-German-crazytime-coalmine. We'll know Germany is a threat again the moment the French start kissing our fat American asses again.

Thanks to Allah for both the link and the the suggestions about Kraftwerk and Lederhosen.

It's official: I am Allah's blog-bitch.

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posted by Ace at 06:07 PM

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