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December 04, 2005

Iraqi "Insurgents" All Hopped Up On Meth

I guess the Koran didn't specify that methamphetamines were "unclean" and "a habit of the polytheists and unbelievers."

You know the sad irony? If we could just get these guys using pot instead, the war would be over in a week.

AMERICAN SOLDIER: Are you a terrorist?


AMERICAN SOLDIER: Why do you have a gun? Are you a terrorist?

TERRORIST SUSPECT (giggling): That's a funny word. Terrorist. Terrorerrorerrorist. Ter-rist. You're funny. I like you.

AMERICAN SOLDIER: Are you a jihadist? Are you fighting againt the "Crusaders"?

TERRORIST SUSPECT: Dude, dude, dude! Chill! Look, if you want to occupy parts of the Holy Peninsula, that's cool, that's cool. I'm not making any judgements. That's just who you are, and I love you for that. Now, shhhhhh...! I love this harmonica break coming up. Blues Traveller rocks!

AMERICAN SOLDIER: There's no music playing.

TERRORIST SUSPECT: Dude, there's always Blues Traveller music playing. I read somewhere that the brain is the biggest iPod there is.

ANOTHER TERRORIST SUSPECT: You didn't read that, you said that last night.

TERRORIST SUSPECT: Oh, that's right... Man, I was on fire with that one. I've got to submit that to Nature. Or High Times. Either or. Say... anyone straight enough to make a White Castle run? White Castle? White Castle? Who's up for some White Castles?

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posted by Ace at 01:07 PM

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