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November 16, 2005

Document Dump

Iraqi Basic Training Extended From 14 To 24 Days

And they're training themselves now, too:

At the academy, recruits are taught hand-and-arm signals. All the instruction is in Arabic—no translator needed. Iraqi noncommissioned officers teach the course.

"We're at a phase now where we mainly just advise the Iraqi instructors," said Sgt. 1st Class Naymon Mack, an advisor at the academy who also serves in the 80th Div. "Two years ago, we started off with Americans giving all the training. American drill instructors did all the training through interpreters."

"Now, we pretty much just oversee (Iraqi instructors) and make sure the training is conducted properly," Mack said. "We've moved to another level."


Ants Devour Eye of Coma Patient

"I've got some bad news and some good news. The bad news is, carnivorous ants ate your eye out of its socket. The good news is, well, it's not like you were going to be winning any archery contests anyhow."


Mars May Have Liquid Water

Using a planetary environmental chamber – a tank that mimics the atmosphere, temperature, and pressure of other planets – the team exposed various concentrations of briny water to conditions that match Mars' colder, less pressurized environment. Based on these experiments, salty water, it seems, can exist as liquid on Mars.

"It was thought that any liquid on the surface would evaporate almost immediately," Julie Chittenden, a graduate student with the Arkansas Center for Space and Planetary Sciences told SPACE.com. "These brine solutions enable water to stay liquid at colder temperatures. If you expose these brine solutions to cold temperatures, they can exist for a very long period of time."

While pure water freezes at zero degrees Celsius, water mixed with sodium chloride and calcium chloride salts – the two salts used in these experiments – remains liquid down to -21 and -50 degrees Celsius respectively.

Because salty water can exist as liquid at colder temperatures than pure water, it won't make the jump from ice to vapor as quickly, giving it a better chance of existing as liquid on the surface or just below it. Average Martian temperatures range between -125 degrees and 28 degrees Celsius at various latitudes at different times during the day, and the salty test samples stayed liquid within the range.

I'm just sayin'... what if we just f'n' shipped all the caribou in ANWR to Mars? We'd be giving them an entire planet. That is, until they die off (in 30 minutes) and start becoming oil. Then we drill the fuckers.

Iran Warns Action on Nukes Could Have "Consequences"

Memo to Iran: Threatening a country that already has the bomb could have "consequences," too.


Poland Hopes To Base For American Missile Defense System

Poland's new centre-right government has signalled its eagerness to become the key European partner for the Bush administration's controversial "son of Star Wars" missile defence shield. Less than a week after winning a vote of confidence in the Polish parliament, the new prime minister, Kazimierz Marcinkiewicz, said the Polish authorities were discussing the plans with Washington.

...

More than the radar sites, the Polish authorities want to host a missile interceptor site, a reinforced underground silo from which long-range missiles would be launched to intercept incoming rockets.

If agreed, such a site would make Poland the host of the biggest US missile defence site outside the US. Any such move would be certain to infuriate the Russians, Poland's neighbour, who are alarmed by the missile defence plans. The Poles and Americans say any European missile interceptor installation would be aimed not at Russia but at neutralising potential attacks from the Middle East.

Memo to Russia: Maybe if you'd stop giving Iran missile and nuke technology we wouldn't have to build this sucker on your doorstep.

40-50 Thousand Total Enemies Killed In Iraq?

LauraW. already posted this letter from Iraq, but I was delighted to read this:

When they [the Iraqi "freedom fighters," who fight mainly to free schoolteachers of their heads] are engaged on an infantry level they get their asses kicked every time. Brave, but stupid.

Suicidal Banzai-type charges were very common earlier in the war and still occur. They will literally sacrifice 8-10 man teams in suicide squads by sending them screaming and firing Aks and RPGs directly at our bases just to probe the defenses. They get mowed down like grass every time....

When engaged, they have a tendency to flee to the same building, probably for what they think will be a glorious last stand. Instead, we call in air and thats the end of that more often than not. These hole-ups are referred to as Alpha Whiskey Romeos (Allahs Waiting Room).

We have the laser guided ground-air thing down to a science. The fast movers, mostly Marine F-18s, are taking an ever increasing toll on the enemy. When caught out in the open, the helicopter gunships and AC-130 Spectre gunships cut them to ribbons with cannon and rocket fire, especially at night. Interestingly, artillery is hardly used at all.

Fun fact: The enemy death toll is supposedly between 45-50 thousand. That is why were seeing less and less infantry attacks and more IED, suicide bomber shit. The new strategy is simple: attrition.


News You Can Use: Seasonal Depression May Affect Hamsters

Very, very important research, worth every dime they're spending on it. Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, which causes depression due to declining sunlight in the winter months, affects hamsters too.

Confirming a long-held belief of mine: Never stick a hamster where the sun don't shine.


Archeologists Discover Pottery With Name of Biblical Giant, Goliath

Archaeologists digging at the biblical home of Goliath have unearthed a shard of pottery bearing the Philistine's name, lending credence to the Biblical tale of David's battle.

While the discovery does not prove Goliath's existence, it does support the Bible's depiction of life at the time of the supposed battle, said Dr Aren Maeir of Bar-Ilan University in Israel.

"It means there were people there named Goliath at the time. It shows David's story reflects the cultural reality of the time."

Also named on the pottery shard? Mid-eighties shit-rock balladeer Richard Marx. Archaeologists could offer no explanation, but did say "At least it wasn't Peter Fucking Cetera."


Iraqi Terror-Suspects Allege: US Troops Threw Us In Lions' Cage!

But their amazing story doesn't end there. One of the detainees, it turns out, had earlier removed a thorn from the lion's paw, and the lion declared, in a rich booming voice (not unlike that of James Earl Jones): "This Iraqi, he's... he's okay by me. No, really, he's a pretty good guy. So we will only eat his legs and genitals."

But just as the somewhat-grateful lion was about to attack, the Iraqis were spirited away from the cage by leprechaun, who told them, "There is a pot at the end of the rainbow, and that pot is called 'multi-level marketing.' Have either of you ever considered selling products for Amway?"

Although the men could offer no proof of their amazing magical adventures, the mainstream media was quick to parrot their charges, noting that their charges were "similar to charges leveled by other Iraqi detainees, as well as demented street-rummies and lunatics. So we're quite comfortable running with it."

The men came forward after Mary Mapes put them in touch with officals at the DNC to "discuss political strategies against Bush."


Syria Girds Itself For Coming Sanctions

Bracing for possible economic sanctions, Syrian officials urged citizens to stock up on Syrian products, such as "asssassination, terror, mass-murder, squalor, backwardness and barbarism."

"We may have to tighten our belts a little," the Syrian Minister of Terror stated, "but we can always draw upon our Strategic Crazy Reserve in case things get really tough."

Syria has been filling the Strategic Crazy Reserve since 1988. It is estimated to contain 1.8 million barrels of light sweet crazy.


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posted by Ace at 01:31 AM

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