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October 30, 2005

Onward, Muslim Soldiers!

SULAWESI, Indonesia -- Muslim warriors scored yet another heroic military victory, this time against a well-trained trio of special-ops teenaged girls from a Christian school.

"Allah be praised for delivering us this magnificent triumph," an unknown brave warrior in a face-obscuring mask announced. "Those 105-pound teenaged girls fought like tigers, using all the weapons and trickery they learned at a Special Forces clinic at the 4-H Club. They also employed advanced martial arts techiques from the legendary fighting form known as 'Jazzercize.'"

The glorious Islamic heroes stated that they identified the co-ed covert operatives by their open display of the famous credo of SOCOM (the special operations command), "N'SYNC = N'STINK."

Having captured the dangerous commandos, the Muslim warriors afforded them with the full panoply of rights granted to them by the Geneva Protocols, including the invioble rights of POW's to have their heads sawed from their still-living bodies, a right which applies only upon capture by Muslims. WARNING: Extremely Graphic Pictures of the International Red Cross-approved treatment of Western prisoners.

The gay-panic murder-cultists of the Muslim world rejoiced that the three operatives had been captured while carrying the weapon most feared in the Muslim world-- vaginas.

Courageous Muslim proudly displayed "high-tech infidel weaponry" recovered from the special-ops babysitters' club, including a cellphone with its ringer set to play Britney Spears' Hit Me Baby One More Time, a "special CIA pen" with purple ink that smelled strongly of artifical grapes, and an eraser shaped like a crazy-haired troll, said by the Muslim warriors to be some sort of "psy-ops" device.

Although the girls were not identified as Jewish per se, at least one was captured with a Barbra Streisand CD in her possession. "Close enough," one glorious Muslim warrior said. "People Who Need People is a notorious propaganda hymn of the Jew Mossad."

Western journalists reacted with shock to the incident. "How dare those infidels tresspass in Muslim lands," British journalist John Pilger seethed. "This is yet another sign of the American neo-con cabal's utter disdain for the principle of freedom of religion."

Robert Fisk, on the other hand, noted that the Muslims had been careful enough to not inflict any "so-called 'collateral damage'" while taking out what he called "legitimate military targets." "Had this attack been conducted by George Bush," he wrote, "we might have expected upwards of 200 dead innocent Muslim sporting-gun enthusiasts, who had peacefully gathered in a mosque to engage in the cherished Islamic holy ritual of indiscriminate sniper fire."

Note: Looks like Tanker and I stumbled on this at the same time. We're just "flooding the zone," as Howell Raines said of his wall-to-wall coverage of women being banned from the Augusta National golf course. A slightly more important story, I admit, but I think this one has some amount of significance as well.


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posted by Ace at 12:17 PM

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