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October 17, 2005

Ace of Spades HQ Fall-Fundraising Bonanza!!!

I hate shaking the cybercup, especially when this blog has been -- oh, what's the word? -- so lame lately (except for my superb co-bloggers, of course), but it's that time of year again. The Val-U-Rite discount vodka and Val-U-Rite discount Bloody Mary mix just doesn't buy itself, you know.

I haven't had one of these in a while. Last time I did, everyone was so generous I was able to buy myself a really nice Vietnamese whore. The kind of girl who says "I'll do anything," so you say, "Okay, do my taxes then," and she doesn't laugh at the joke, she just gets out the adding machine and starts doing erotic double-entry accounting.

Trouble is, I didn't so much buy her as rent her, and the bitch left two weeks ago and stole my television too. So, like, I need a new TV. And a new whore.

Once again, the math:

Assuming there are 3,000 frequent readers to this site:

If every frequent reader just donated one dollar through PayPal (no PayPal account needed; just a credit card or a checking account), that would be a sweeeeet-ass $3000 dollars for the bandwidth/TV/Vietnamese whore fund.

If every frequent reader donated five dollars through PayPal (did I mention-- you don't need a PayPal account to do so?), that would be an even sweeter $15 large.

If every frequent reader donated -- stay with me on this -- $100, that would be 300,000 damn-bastard dollars. That's big money-- that's Joshua Micah Ezekiah Oakenshield Finster Smythe Boutros-Boutros Marshall money.

And if every frequent reader donated -- not saying you should do this, but if -- fifty-frigging-thousand dollars each, that would be a fall-fundraiser haul of one-hundred-fifty million dollars, which, you know, would tide me over quite nicely until January. Or thereabouts. It depends on how much the whores steal from me.

Come on. I know a lot of you have fifty thousand dollars just sitting around uselessly in college funds for your kids or in "equity" in your homes (equity is The White Man's Lie, by the way).


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posted by Ace at 02:54 PM

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