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October 17, 2005

Ace of Spades HQ Fall-Fundraising Bonanza!!!

I hate shaking the cybercup, especially when this blog has been -- oh, what's the word? -- so lame lately (except for my superb co-bloggers, of course), but it's that time of year again. The Val-U-Rite discount vodka and Val-U-Rite discount Bloody Mary mix just doesn't buy itself, you know.

I haven't had one of these in a while. Last time I did, everyone was so generous I was able to buy myself a really nice Vietnamese whore. The kind of girl who says "I'll do anything," so you say, "Okay, do my taxes then," and she doesn't laugh at the joke, she just gets out the adding machine and starts doing erotic double-entry accounting.

Trouble is, I didn't so much buy her as rent her, and the bitch left two weeks ago and stole my television too. So, like, I need a new TV. And a new whore.

Once again, the math:

Assuming there are 3,000 frequent readers to this site:

If every frequent reader just donated one dollar through PayPal (no PayPal account needed; just a credit card or a checking account), that would be a sweeeeet-ass $3000 dollars for the bandwidth/TV/Vietnamese whore fund.

If every frequent reader donated five dollars through PayPal (did I mention-- you don't need a PayPal account to do so?), that would be an even sweeter $15 large.

If every frequent reader donated -- stay with me on this -- $100, that would be 300,000 damn-bastard dollars. That's big money-- that's Joshua Micah Ezekiah Oakenshield Finster Smythe Boutros-Boutros Marshall money.

And if every frequent reader donated -- not saying you should do this, but if -- fifty-frigging-thousand dollars each, that would be a fall-fundraiser haul of one-hundred-fifty million dollars, which, you know, would tide me over quite nicely until January. Or thereabouts. It depends on how much the whores steal from me.

Come on. I know a lot of you have fifty thousand dollars just sitting around uselessly in college funds for your kids or in "equity" in your homes (equity is The White Man's Lie, by the way).

posted by Ace at 02:54 PM

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Sefton: sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com Recent Entries I Can't Believe It's Not Christmas Yet Cafe Bill Clinton In Hospital After Coming Down with Fever Update: Illness Diagnosed as Thicc White Girl Fever House Ethics Report Places Matt Gaetz on "Naughty" List Daily Mail: "Depressed" Joe Biden is Being Encouraged by "Vengeful" Doktor Jill Biden to "Burn the Whole Thing Down" as Payback for Coup Congresswoman With Advanced Dementia Has Been Living in a Memory Care Home For Six Months and Hasn't Attended Congress or Cast a Vote In All That Time; Corrupt DC Media and Political Class Knew All About This, But Hid It From Citizens Focus Group Says That Democrats Are Weak and Overly Focused on "Diversity" and Other "Elite" Luxury Concerns Like Endless Gender Transitions for Children Drunk, Insane Illegal Alien Sets Woman On Fire in NYC Subway, Burning Her to Death Biden Commutes the Sentences of Almost All Federal Convicts on Death Row THE MORNING RANT: America’s Gerontocracy – AWOL Texas Congresswoman Found Living in Memory Care Facility Mid-Morning Art Thread Absent Friends Bandersnatch 2024 GnuBreed 2024 Captain Hate 2023 moon_over_vermont 2023 westminsterdogshow 2023 Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022 Dave In Texas 2022 Jesse in D.C. 2022 OregonMuse 2022 redc1c4 2021 Tami 2021 Chavez the Hugo 2020 Ibguy 2020 Rickl 2019 Joffen 2014 AoSHQ Writers Group A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. 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The kind of girl who says "I'll do anything," so you say, "Okay, do my taxes then," and she doesn't laugh at the joke, she just gets out the adding machine and starts doing erotic double-entry accounting. Trouble is, I didn't so much buy her as rent her, and the bitch left two weeks ago and stole my television too. So, like, I need a new TV. And a new whore. Once again, the math: Assuming there are 3,000 frequent readers to this site: If every frequent reader just donated one dollar through PayPal (no PayPal account needed; just a credit card or a checking account), that would be a sweeeeet-ass $3000 dollars for the bandwidth/TV/Vietnamese whore fund. If every frequent reader donated five dollars through PayPal (did I mention-- you don't need a PayPal account to do so?), that would be an even sweeter $15 large. If every frequent reader donated -- stay with me on this -- $100, that would be 300,000 damn-bastard dollars. That's big money-- that's Joshua Micah Ezekiah Oakenshield Finster Smythe Boutros-Boutros Marshall money. And if every frequent reader donated -- not saying you should do this, but if -- fifty-frigging-thousand dollars each, that would be a fall-fundraiser haul of one-hundred-fifty million dollars, which, you know, would tide me over quite nicely until January. Or thereabouts. It depends on how much the whores steal from me. Come on. I know a lot of you have fifty thousand dollars just sitting around uselessly in college funds for your kids or in "equity" in your homes (equity is The White Man's Lie, by the way). posted by Ace at 02:54 PM \| Access Comments <script language="javascript" src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/addyn/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=700;cookie=info;target=_blank;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]"></script><noscript><a href="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adlink/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" target="_blank"><img src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adserv/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" border="0" width="300" height="250"></a></noscript>	Recent Comments Hour of the Wolf: "Whenever I hear "Gary, Indiana", my mind jumps to ..." Diogenes : "Gary Indiana Gary Indiana Gar... What a shitty ..." [/i][/b]andycanuck (hovnC)[/s][/u]: "…Keith Bass will serve as my Assistant Secre ..." 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