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October 05, 2005

Proposed Indiana Law Would Criminalize Artificial Means of Impregnation For Unmarried Couples

Seems that some "conservatives" want to prove they're even stupider than liberals. If you don't like something that's been going on for all 100,000 years of human history, pass a law against it! That'll stop it right quick!

Correction: It seems to be aimed at keeping gays from reproducing via artifical means, rather than simply outlawing all out-of-wedlock pregnancies, as my headline orignally stated. Still.

The "New Conservatives"

Using the powers of the nanny-state to bully you just like the liberals would do -- but with more of an Orwellian anti-sex fixation!

I have five suggestions for goofball conservatives who want to use the power of the state to compel everyone into Jesus-approved propriety:

1. Don't be retards.

2. I'm no Biblical scholar, but Jesus' whole deal seemed to be based on personal, voluntary acceptance of Him, not state coercion.

3. Don't be insufferable prigs and all-around jackasses.

4. Avoid catching a bad case of "the crazies." This scares the children and spooks the horses.

5. Don't be retards. It bears repeating. Whenever you feel like 'tarding out and writing some sort of batshit crazy moronlaw, try something more productive, like playing with puppets or making collages of Allen Keyes taking off his sweater.

Really. Seriously. Stop. There's a tactical alliance between social conservatives, social moderates, and social retards, but if the social retards keep pushing crap like this, they're going to wind up making people like me start chanting slogans like Keep your laws off our bodies!, plus my favorites Keep your agenda out of my pudenda! and No legislation about my gestation!

H/t to Geoff.

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posted by Ace at 12:15 PM

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