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September 21, 2005

Oliver Willis: Stuck On Stupid

There's a Chris Rock riff about how you know white people wouldn't vote for Colin Powell for President because they say (according to this riff) "He speaks so wellllll." Which is supposedly a bit of racism, because, as Rock fumes, "He's an educated man! What the hell did you expect to come out of his mouth?"

And I guess there's some truth in that. A bit. Like the old sportscaster "slur," where white athletes would be praised for their "smarts and teamwork" and blacks would be praised for their "natural athletic ability" and "finely honed predatory pack-hunting insticts."

Okay, I made the last one up, but that whole complaint was sort of overblown anyway. Yes, occasionally that was said, but it's been damned more than it was ever orginally uttered.

Anyway. Oliver Willis, having, as usual, very little to say about anything (and, unlike me, who shares the same limitation, also not having any interesting way to say that little bit) is back on his old reliable hobbyhorse, accusing political opponents in the blogosphere of invidious racism.

The charge? Captain Ed showed the true colors of his sheets when he remarked that Maryland Lt. Governor Michael Steele was...

Articulate, knowledgeable, passionate, and humorous, he [Steele] embodies the communication skills of a Ronald Reagan with a keen grasp of policy.

You see? He accused Steele of being "articulate," thus demonstrating that he thinks all black people are Mush-mouth from Fat Albert (or Dumb Donald, take your pick).

Filet-O-Fish fumes:

Aw lawzy! That Michael Steele is sho nuff one of them “articulate” negroes. One of “the good ones”, you know?

Jesus, he can't even be funny when he's swiping from Chris Rock.

Okay, listen to me, Moron: "articulate" is a perfectly useful adjective and it is generally considered a compliment. Not everyone is articulate. I'm sure not when I'm doing my stupid internet webcast show. I wish I were, but I'm not.

Steele is articulate. If you don't like that word, how about "fluid" or "smooth" or "verbally dextrous"? Take your pick, Big Fun.

Look, idiot, if you don't have anything interesting to say, please try writing another one of your hi-larious fake news bits involving Britney Spears or Beyonce. You know, the, giggle, future Mrs. Oliver Willis. In, you know, the Bizarro dimension.

Playing the race card just because you're tapped out and desperately flailing for attention is cheap, even for you. Slurring someone just for a quickie post is the mark of, how you say?, major asshole.

It's this juvenile to call everyone you don't like a "racist" that has actually robbed that vicious word of its old (righteous) power. When everyone's a "racist," it just loses all sting, you know? You can stretch the word as far as the frayed and straining elastic waistband in your husky-plus sweatpants, but it loses all "snap," see what I'm sayin'?

Thanks to Allah, who reads Oliver Willis so that you don't have to.

No link for Grimmace. I've got better things to do than type in the link for a fat, talentless slime-merchant of a McDonald's mascot.

Eric Cartman says you suck, too.

More! We're All Racists! Well, Fat-Ass thinks we haven't met any black people, because, you know, he says "stuck on stupid" is an old black thang (hey, I speak Jive!) and we didn't hear it before so we don't know any black people and we hate them. Or something.

Well, look here Old Man, it is true that blacks and whites don't socialize as much as we should in a perfect world, which is why some black slang -- "old" as Dave would say -- suddenly becomes the white flavor of the month when we finally hear it.

Eh. It's all about race with some people.

Wonder how many "homies" (I'm down!) Eric Altermann "chills" with on a regular basis.

A lot of black slang originates in what some call "da hood." Now, not to cast aspersions on Grimmace's "street cred" or nothin', but something tells me he hears stuff about forty seconds before George Fucking Plimpton or Tucker Fucking Carlson does.

Again, thanks to Allah. See how much better this is when you help me rather than viciously attack me?

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posted by Ace at 06:08 PM

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