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August 12, 2005

A Cowbell In Every Home: Christopher Walken For President

Once again, I don't make this stuff up. I just link it.

His positions:

On the economy. "You babies are all gonna be wearin' gold-plated diapahs."

On our shared American heritage. "The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any of the slopes were gonna get their greasy yellow hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you. "

On the interrogations of terrorist detainees. "Sicilians are great liars. The best in the world. I'm a Sicilian. And my old man was the world heavyweight champion of Sicilian liars. And from growin' up with him I learned the pantomime. Now there are seventeen different things a guy can do when he lies to give him away. A guy has seventeen pantomimes. A woman's got twenty, but a guy's got seventeen. And if you know 'em like ya know your own face, they beat lie detectors to hell. "

On using harsher methods to extract information from terrorists. "That smarts, doesn't it? Getting slammed in the nose. Fucks you all up. You get that pain shootin' through your brain, your eyes fill up with water. That ain't any kind of fun, but what I have to offer you, that's as good as it's gonna get."

On the Highway and Energy Bills. "Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline."

On criminal law. "I was talking to my old friend Charlie Manson the other day, and he said to me: 'Is it hot in here, or am I crazy?'"


Chris Walken For President

Because he's a fuckin' lunatic. A fuckin' lunatic... like a fox!

Thanks to JeffB.

Once More With Content Warning.


Okay, I guess I get this one, but it tries too hard. Have you ever seen New Rose Hotel? Probably not, because it's awful, but there are enough sci-fi geeks and Chris Walken fans here that someone might have.

A little steamy.

On feminism. "The hair of a snatch can tear battleships."

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posted by Ace at 06:45 PM

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