A Reality Show For Men: Bobby Knight's Basketball Clinic | Main | Blair Butches Up: Announces Tough Anti-Terrorism And Anti-Incitement Initiatives
August 08, 2005

Study: Men Don't Listen To Women, Because We Physically Have Difficulty Hearing Your Voices

I expect it's an evolutionary thing, crucial to the survival of the species, because if we actually heard all the ridiculous things you gals say we'd have throttled every single one of you by the Neolithic era.

And then we would have sat around, scratching our balls with primative ball-scratching devices made from mastodon tusks, thinking, "Damn, I sure do miss the boobies."

Men who are accused of never listening by women now have an excuse - women's voices are more difficult for men to listen to than other men's...Reports say researchers at Sheffield University in northern England have discovered startling differences in the way the brain responds to male and female sounds...The research shows men decipher female voices using the auditory part of the brain that processes music, while male voices engage a simpler mechanism.

...The Daily Mail quotes researcher Michael Hunter as saying, "the female voice is actually more complex than the male voice, due to differences in the size and shape of the vocal cords and larynx between men and women, and also due to women having greater natural 'melody' in their voices"..."This causes a more complex range of sound frequencies than in a male voice," Mr Hunter said...The report says the findings may help explain why people suffering hallucinations usually hear male voices - the brain may find it much harder to conjure up a false female voice accurately than a false male voice...The research is published in the specialist magazine NeuroImage.

"Sorry, baby, I misheard your request to put on America's Next Top Model. I thought you said, 'Hey, let's watch Die Hard With a Vengeance for the sixtieth time, because I know you like it.' Your voice is just too 'melodic' and 'complex' to register in my sadly deficient male moronbrain."

Tipster RCL adds:

For so long, when confronted with our inability to actually hear what woman are demanding from us, the best man could hope do was mount the Jake Blue Tunnel Defense:
JAKE: Oh, please, don't kill us. Please, please don't kill us. You know I love you baby. I wouldn't leave ya. It wasn't my fault.

MYSTERY WOMAN: You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me.

JAKE: No I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD.

Finally, irrefutable scientific proof that we just can't hear what the distaff half is yammering about. Not because we are watching "The Game.".

Not because we are faking post-coital sleep.

Not because we just don't care. "It's science baby. Now get me a beer."

You owe it to man-kind to publish this important alibi...er, scientific data.

Done and done. And I mean done.


digg this
posted by Ace at 03:07 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
5/8 Mex: "Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at December 16, 2017 ..."

JQ: "KT, saw your reply re: turnips/ greens-- thanks so ..."

Bear with Assymetrical Balls: "A good future movie thread might be movies that we ..."

blake: "Sigh. How about a complementary compliment? ..."

The Inexplicable Dr. Julius Strangepork: "Hi, is anyone still here? I used to raise dwarf r ..."

Stringer Davis [/i]]/b]: "But Hitchcock DID make a Titanic movie. He did the ..."

Northernlurker : "I thought In Cold Blood was a very good movie. ..."

blake: "Posted by: KT at December 16, 2017 08:54 PM (BVQ+1 ..."

Bertram Cabot, Jr.: " [i]Emperor of the North .. anyone ? Posted by: ..."

Hands: ""The Right Stuff" is very good. It can't be easy t ..."

troyriser: "I've seen 'The Passion of Joan of Arc' twice now. ..."

Harvey Weinstein: "Ain't nothing to phrenology neither. Posted b ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64