Study: Men Don't Listen To Women, Because We Physically Have Difficulty Hearing Your Voices

I expect it's an evolutionary thing, crucial to the survival of the species, because if we actually heard all the ridiculous things you gals say we'd have throttled every single one of you by the Neolithic era.

And then we would have sat around, scratching our balls with primative ball-scratching devices made from mastodon tusks, thinking, "Damn, I sure do miss the boobies."

Men who are accused of never listening by women now have an excuse - women's voices are more difficult for men to listen to than other men's...Reports say researchers at Sheffield University in northern England have discovered startling differences in the way the brain responds to male and female sounds...The research shows men decipher female voices using the auditory part of the brain that processes music, while male voices engage a simpler mechanism.

...The Daily Mail quotes researcher Michael Hunter as saying, "the female voice is actually more complex than the male voice, due to differences in the size and shape of the vocal cords and larynx between men and women, and also due to women having greater natural 'melody' in their voices"..."This causes a more complex range of sound frequencies than in a male voice," Mr Hunter said...The report says the findings may help explain why people suffering hallucinations usually hear male voices - the brain may find it much harder to conjure up a false female voice accurately than a false male voice...The research is published in the specialist magazine NeuroImage.

"Sorry, baby, I misheard your request to put on America's Next Top Model. I thought you said, 'Hey, let's watch Die Hard With a Vengeance for the sixtieth time, because I know you like it.' Your voice is just too 'melodic' and 'complex' to register in my sadly deficient male moronbrain."

Tipster RCL adds:

For so long, when confronted with our inability to actually hear what woman are demanding from us, the best man could hope do was mount the Jake Blue Tunnel Defense:

JAKE: Oh, please, don't kill us. Please, please don't kill us. You know I love you baby. I wouldn't leave ya. It wasn't my fault.

MYSTERY WOMAN: You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me.

JAKE: No I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD.

Finally, irrefutable scientific proof that we just can't hear what the distaff half is yammering about. Not because we are watching "The Game.".

Not because we are faking post-coital sleep.

Not because we just don't care. "It's science baby. Now get me a beer."

You owe it to man-kind to publish this important alibi...er, scientific data.

Done and done. And I mean done.

posted by Ace at 03:07 PM

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