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July 22, 2005

British Teachers Want Word "Fail" Banned, Replaced By "Deferred Success"

No wonder so many British men defer their success in achieving an erection:

London - The word "fail" should be banned from use in British classrooms and replaced with the phrase "deferred success" to avoid demoralising pupils, a group of teachers has proposed.

Members of the Professional Association of Teachers (PAT) argue that telling pupils they have failed can put them off learning for life.

A spokesperson for the group said it wanted to avoid labelling children. "We recognise that children do not necessarily achieve success first time," he said.

"But I recognise that we can't just strike a word from the dictionary," he said.

Shut up, really??!!

Let me get this straight: dipshits get paid to show up for work maybe 30 hours a week and draw decent mid-to-high level government salaries to think of ways to replace one servicable and accurate word with another less servicable and less accurate word in order to trick children into thinking that something which is objectively bad is not in fact really bad, although it's still bad, and so they should avoid it, but if the don't avoid it, it's okay, although really, they should avoid it.

As if children are actually brain-damaged and won't be able to figure out that "success" is better than "not success."

Okay. Sign me up. I can do this.

From now on, "afterschool detention" will be called "Cream Soda and Chocolate Cookie Party."

"Impaired eyesight" -- man, did that scare the shit out of me as a kid; I knew I needed glasses, badly, but desperately did not want that fact learned by my parents -- will be called "Elton John Emulation Opportunity."

Wait, that's sort of damn scary too. I'll work on that one.

"Mistakes" and "errors" will be called, oh, let's see... ummm, here. "Paper clips." Right on the desk. I'm on a roll now. "Remedial class" will be called, uhm, uhhh... "Signed Photograph of Burt "Paulie" Young Hanging On My Wall."

Hey, I met him in Reno. He's a nice guy. Smells like fine sausage.

And of course "Having a passionate fourth grade crush on the girl who's starting to grow breasts but has no idea you're even alive" will be called "Dungeons & Dragons -- Your Portal To Endless Adventure!"

Crazy blog-money never panned out, but I'm on to an even greater scam-- crazy educrat grant-money!

Thanks to Checkers McBamp.

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posted by Ace at 02:24 AM

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