* We're Smarter Than Everyone We Work With But No One Can Understand That Because They're All Stupid

* Paige Davis From Trading Spaces Thinks She All Dat, But She Ainnn'

* Home Gardening: Spending Hours and Hours Planting Stupid Fucking Vegetables That Pretty Much Taste As Shitty as the Ones You Get From PathMark

* I'd Love To Blog Something About Uzbekistan But Lost Is On and I Just Picked Up the Latest Mystery By Janet Evanovich So My Night Is Completely Shot

* Let Me Explain In Teeth-Grinding Detail the Love/Hate Relationship I Have With My Mother and Sisters, Which Is Difficult To Explain Because It's So Unique, Except Of Course For The Other 3.3 Billion Women In the World Who Blather On About the Same Fucking Thing

* When My Husband Falls Asleep I'm Going to Re-Paint the Dresser With Sage Milk-Paint, Even Though He Forbade It, and Then Blame It on a Home Invasion by a Maruading Band of Interior-Decorating Dominican Gangbangers

* I Haven't Been This Super-Psyched Since ZBT Had a Mixer With the Lacrosse Team

* Are You Mad At Me?

* Seriously, You Seem Quiet. Are You Sure You're Not Mad At Me?

* I Can't Put Up With Your Silent Contempt Any Longer. We Need To Talk

* No, I Swear, Everything's Fine Now. Fine. You Can Tell It's Fine Because I Won't Look At You and Everytime I Say Your Name I Spit On a Picture of Your Whole Fucked-Up Family. Now Let This Go Or I Will Stab You In Your Sleep With Pinking Shears. It's Fine

* You Guys Are My Very Best Friends and I'm Not Just Saying That Because I'm Really Drunk; Sure, I Had Eight Appletinis and I'm Sloppy-Sappy and Slurring the Words to Margaritaville As I Try to Induce Everyone Else to Join In In An All-Drunk-Girl Singing Circle, Which Is Sort of a Problem, Because I'm Too Drunk To Realize It's Not Margaritaville That's on the Juke-Box but Rather Flirtin' With Disaster By Molly hostaet, But Seriously I Love You Guys