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April 19, 2005

THE NEW POPE ON BEAGLES: I was shocked and enraged to read the new "Pope's" thought on beagles:

The Church is eternal; while a man may grow or change over the course of an 80 year life, such a timescale is but a sand in the glass in the life of the Church. And thus we must be cautious to change Church doctrine; and we must always bear in mind the teaching of St. Augustine, who told us, "Yea, and verily, Beagles are thoroughly wretched little Bastards and ought to be strangled upon their foul birthings; for they are the predatory pedophiles of the canine world, the mincing little bespotted homomutts who corrupt the morals and values of more righteous breeds-- your Yorkies, your Jack Russell terriers, your shitzsus, your... well, Marmaduke-dogs...

"Suffer not a Beagle to live, for they will make a wasteland of their lands, and your lands, just like Dr. Zaius said in Planet of the Apes, except I'm shit-serious about this, I mean it, they are the Devil Who Comes Clicking On Little Toenails When You Open Up A Bag of Chips."

I am afraid I will not be blogging more for several hours. I was so overcome by dread and horror that I vomited all over my Powerbook. You know how hard it is to clean liquids from between the keys?

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posted by Ace at 04:20 PM

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