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April 12, 2005

A Libertarian Is Probably To Blame For Corpse-Defilement

Someone else sent this to me yesterday, but it was LauraW who interested me in a typical run-of-the-mill my-eyes-glaze-over coprse-mutilation-and-theft-of-severed head story. Why, if I had a nickle...

She told me "Read until the end." I did, and I think you should too.

Off of Yahoo:

A 17-year-old Morrisville youth was being held on $100,000 bail after police said he raided a tomb in a cemetery and removed a head from a corpse.

...

Keith said police at first could not believe what they had heard. But when they went to Morrisville Cemetery and investigated, they found that someone had broken into a tomb, broken open the casket and removed a man's head.

...

Nickolas Buckalew, 17, later was arrested and charged with unauthorized removal of a dead body. He pleaded innocent to the crime.

Here it comes...

Authorities are not sure of the motive of the crime. Court documents said the suspect allegedly talked of using the man's head as a bong or a pipe for smoking marijuana.

Who can blame him?

Nanotech Update: In the future, you won't have to smoke pot out of a corpse's rotting brain. We'll all have tiny nanotech devices implanted in our heads called "brainbots" which will stimulate the production of various brain chemicals -- and synthesized recreational drugs -- according to our wishes.

The one drawback? You will bleed profusely from the ears, most likely until you exsanguinate and die. But hey-- weed on demand.

As the motto of the Libertarian Party says:

Weeeeeeed! Weeeeeeed! Weeeeeeeeeeeeed!


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posted by Ace at 02:23 PM

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