Intermarkets' Privacy Policy Support
Donate to Ace of Spades HQ! Contact
Ace:aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com Buck: buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com CBD: cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com joe mannix: mannix2024 at proton.me MisHum: petmorons at gee mail.com J.J. Sefton: sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com Recent Entries
Daily Tech News 30 April 2025
Tuesday Overnight Open Thread - April 29, 2025 [scampydog] Defying the Sloppy “No Dress Code” Dress Code at the Start-up I Once Worked For Hey...Nike! Stay Away From Our Children! Isn't Using Them As Slave Labor Enough? Quick Hits 100 Days Into The Trump Presidency, And Things Seem To Be Calming Down! Is the Dream of Blue Texas still alive? Trump Folds by having China waive tariffs on US ethane imports without giving China anything in return India And Pakistan Are Heating Up The Rhetoric, But As Usual, Islamic Terror Is At The Core Absent Friends
Jewells45 2025
Bandersnatch 2024 GnuBreed 2024 Captain Hate 2023 moon_over_vermont 2023 westminsterdogshow 2023 Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022 Dave In Texas 2022 Jesse in D.C. 2022 OregonMuse 2022 redc1c4 2021 Tami 2021 Chavez the Hugo 2020 Ibguy 2020 Rickl 2019 Joffen 2014 AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published.
Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups
NoVaMoMe 2025: 06/21/2025 Arlington, VA Contact Weasel and Bluebell for info Texas MoMe 2025: 10/17/2025-10/18/2025 Corsicana,TX Contact Ben Had for info |
« Hoke Has the Con |
Main
| Peter Jennings Diagnosed With Lung Cancer »
April 05, 2005
Just Off the Phone With AceAce called me to see how the blog was going, and to let everyone know he's doing okay. I took the liberty of recording the conversation (easy enough with a Sansung 3250) and I have transcribed the call for any who are interested. ACE: Hoke, what's up? Blog going okay? HOKE: You're still getting some hits off Instapundit, so it's okay for the day at least. What's going on exactly? Is this real? Are you retired? ACE: Well... I don't know. After I wrote that post, I got to thinking. You know, I called it the Greatest Post I'd Ever Written In My Whole Useless Life, and I meant that to be a joke, but when I started to think about it-- it wasn't really a joke. A year and a season of blogging and I'm still basically on Oliver Willis' level. That's... well that's just sad. HOKE: You get a good zinger in once in a while. ACE: So does f'n' Gallagher, you know? And at least he's actually got a career. People have heard of the Sledge-O-Matic. Ninety percent of the public don't even know what a "blog" is. I hate to say it-- but Gallagher's got heat, you know? HOKE: Without doubt. ACE: So I'm just thinking, up or out baby, up or out... I can't just keep writing a bunch of silly shit for a tiny gaggle of sniggering retards. Uhhhhh... don't say I called them that. HOKE: Got it. Edit it out. ACE: Right. Call them, I don't know, what the hell are they? What would you call such... specimens? HOKE: Intelligent, good-natured people? ACE: Yeah... I guess. Oh well, run with it. White lie and all.
HOKE: Fair enough. I guess they want to know what you're up to now. ACE: Look, I hate to admit this. I've spent a lot of time slagging on Andrew Sullivan for running off to Paris to write his novel, but let's be honest: That's exactly the right call. You can't keep doing this bullshit forever. You have to make a break for the roses, you know? And so that's what I've done. HOKE: You're in Paris? ACE: Well, sort of. HOKE: Where? ACE: Massapequa. HOKE: Massapequa? ACE: They call it "The Paris of Long Island." HOKE: Who does? ACE: This guy at a Citgo station called it that. He seemed to know what he was talking about. His uniform was very clean. HOKE: And so you're, well, retired to Massapequa to work on your novel? ACE: Well, not novel. I don't know if I have that in me right now. To write a novel, you have to have a gift with the English language, or a piercing insight into human character and behavior. I don't... I don't know if I have either of those. I've spent the last year making jokes about pooter and Whitesnake. HOKE: Short story, maybe? ACE: A children's book. HOKE: A children's book? Oh, that's wonderful. And they sell big sometimes. ACE: Don't I know it, brother. Don't. I. Know it. And this is a good one. It's about a little boy whose mother collects hummel gnomes. And one day he finds out that these hummel gnomes are actually real gnomes, who remain still as statues during the day to guard a secret-- a secret passageway through the back of their fireplace that leads to a world of wizardry and all sorts of humorous escapades. HOKE: Cute enough. What's it called? ACE: "Johnny Fucknuts." HOKE: Johnny....? ACE: Fucknuts. I'm told that kids want "edgier" material nowadays, like "Captain Underpants." HOKE: But that title... I don't know if that's going to appeal to children. Or their parents. ACE: Well, it's just a working title. I'm not married to it or anything. I've got other titles. HOKE: Like... ACE: "The Magical Adventures of Johnny Fucknuts." HOKE: Ummm... I don't know. I think the problem is basically the kid's name. ACE: Whatever, man. Billy Fucknuts. It doesn't really matter. It's going to be a piece of shit anyway. I just want to con some blogger into doing all the artwork for free for me and then selling it based on cute pictures of giant flying squirrels that Johnny rides around on. The words-- shit, who cares about the words? I never have. And kids are fucking dumb as rocks anyhow. Ever talk to a kid? They're like little retards or something, except half of them crap their pants. HOKE: Well... I guess I wish you luck. ACE: Yeah... speaking of luck... could I be lucky enough to borrow maybe a hundred bucks from you until I sell this stupid retard-book? It's expensive in Massapequa. They want $2.79 for Gordita with extra guac. HOKE: Well, it is the Paris of Long Island. ACE: You got that right, brother. You got that right. ... The conversation degenerated from there, as Ace began spewing vile insults at me when I refused to loan him any cash. I think he was making half of them up, or maybe getting them from Battlestar: Galactica. All I know is that he claims he frakked my sister in her feldercarb. Sideways, if that's relevant. | Recent Comments
[i]Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) [/b][/i][/s][/u]:
"[i]
I still know what "Ge oot th' Hoose" means
..."
[i]Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) [/b][/i][/s][/u]: "[i] I never had a Barbie doll either, my Mom was ..." [i]Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) [/b][/i][/s][/u]: " I went on an evening hike with the youngest four ..." Rev Wishbone: "Lunchboxes? Luxury! We had to carry our lunche ..." [i]Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) [/b][/i][/s][/u]: " If my past experience is any guide, poor R2D2 is ..." Il Miklosio at Fiumicino di Horizontale: "Now must do the immigration and, most importantly ..." Skip : "Night job keeps getting delayed, was supposed to s ..." Ciampino - Fedup: "They will be finding boxes in nooks an crannies fo ..." Mystified Miklos: "Three people killed in a shooting in Sweden htt ..." Ciampino - the gun went on a spree?: "Three people killed in a shooting in Sweden htt ..." JQ: "Hmm. Much to consider. Need to book appt with atto ..." Miklos speaks from years of experience: " I need to update my own will-- to provide for hub ..." Recent Entries
Daily Tech News 30 April 2025
Tuesday Overnight Open Thread - April 29, 2025 [scampydog] Defying the Sloppy “No Dress Code” Dress Code at the Start-up I Once Worked For Hey...Nike! Stay Away From Our Children! Isn't Using Them As Slave Labor Enough? Quick Hits 100 Days Into The Trump Presidency, And Things Seem To Be Calming Down! Is the Dream of Blue Texas still alive? Trump Folds by having China waive tariffs on US ethane imports without giving China anything in return India And Pakistan Are Heating Up The Rhetoric, But As Usual, Islamic Terror Is At The Core Search
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Primary Document: The Audio
Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings) George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an F*ckin' Hammer Top Top Tens
Democratic Forays into Erotica New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really Hate Potatoes Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party" Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?" Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance Collective Names for Groups of People John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive" Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments John Edwards Campaign Excuses John Kerry Pick-Up Lines Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney Torments in Dog-Hell Greatest Hitjobs
The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny More Margaret Cho Abuse Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed" Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means Wonkette's Stand-Up Act Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report! Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet The House of Love: Paul Krugman A Michael Moore Mystery (TM) The Dowd-O-Matic! Liberal Consistency and Other Myths Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate "Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long) The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) |