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March 10, 2005

Top Ten Reasons the Israeli Army Discriminates Against D&D Players

10. Simply cannot satisfy frequent requests that standard IDF uniform be redesigned to include pockets for "material components"

9. Too many fighters add levels in the "Dorkwad" prestige class, reducing their combat effectiveness

8. Still reeling from the tragedy of D&D playin' soldiers who advanced on a terrorist position "protected" by a Prismatic Wall

7. Gamers turn their noses up at standard-issue weaponry, insisting that they deserve +3 Uzis of Vorpal Firepower

6. You try giving a top-secret military briefing to a bunch of giggling geeks who won't stop interrupting you with cries of "It's only a fleshwound" and "Ni!"

5. Known D&D players violate morale-protecting "Don't ask, don't tell" rule; soldiers don't want to have to worry that they're being assigned dangerous missions just because they killed their commander's favorite familiar

4. It just looks bad on television when soldiers kill terrorists and immediately begin looting their bodies for "gold pieces" and/or "magic items"

3. D&D-playing soldiers would complicate peace talks with Hezbollah, who are known supporters of Gamma World

2. After every damn shot they take, they ask "Did I score a critical hit?"

...and the Number One Reason the IDF Discriminates against D&D Players...

1. Keep demanding that they "level up" every time they so much as shoot a rat, despite the IDF's strict rule against running a "Monty Haul campaign"


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posted by Ace at 05:04 PM

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