Senatrix Clinton: Protecting the Children, 24/7 | Main | Okay, More Last Licks: 50 Dan Rather Cartoons
March 10, 2005

Top Ten Reasons the Israeli Army Discriminates Against D&D Players

10. Simply cannot satisfy frequent requests that standard IDF uniform be redesigned to include pockets for "material components"

9. Too many fighters add levels in the "Dorkwad" prestige class, reducing their combat effectiveness

8. Still reeling from the tragedy of D&D playin' soldiers who advanced on a terrorist position "protected" by a Prismatic Wall

7. Gamers turn their noses up at standard-issue weaponry, insisting that they deserve +3 Uzis of Vorpal Firepower

6. You try giving a top-secret military briefing to a bunch of giggling geeks who won't stop interrupting you with cries of "It's only a fleshwound" and "Ni!"

5. Known D&D players violate morale-protecting "Don't ask, don't tell" rule; soldiers don't want to have to worry that they're being assigned dangerous missions just because they killed their commander's favorite familiar

4. It just looks bad on television when soldiers kill terrorists and immediately begin looting their bodies for "gold pieces" and/or "magic items"

3. D&D-playing soldiers would complicate peace talks with Hezbollah, who are known supporters of Gamma World

2. After every damn shot they take, they ask "Did I score a critical hit?"

...and the Number One Reason the IDF Discriminates against D&D Players...

1. Keep demanding that they "level up" every time they so much as shoot a rat, despite the IDF's strict rule against running a "Monty Haul campaign"

digg this
posted by Ace at 05:04 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Obama waving from Martha's Vineyard: "Taco in a bag? How does that work? ..."

CharlieBrown'sDildo: "[i]Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey ..."

Cicero kaboom kid shouts at guy near third rail: "157 I remember Paul Prudhomme saying his devout Ca ..."

AshevilleRobert: ""Asheville Robert - Did you see my comment on earl ..."

Misanthropic Humanitarian Not Andrew McCabe: "180 I see your Kath and Hendrix and raise you a Ga ..."

Donna&&&&&&V : "That happens if you use a lot of hyphens to make a ..."

CharlieBrown'sDildo: " you can park for as low as $10 if you want to wal ..."

Reggie: ">>offering a male sex doll to curious straig ..."

freaked: "'The company said they would not make child sex do ..."

AshevilleRobert: ""When was it that we had the 30 inches of snow in ..."

JuJuBee, just generally being shamey: "Maybe, Maybe not. We're right on that line. Poste ..."

rickl: "[i]155 Some assinine councilman in Queens wants ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64