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February 25, 2005

Activists Fear "Conversion" of Gay Penguins to Heterosexuality

Yes, you read that right:

A PLAN by a German zoo to test the sexual appetites of a group of suspected homosexual penguins has sparked outrage among gay and lesbian groups, who fear zookeepers might force them to turn straight.

"All sorts of gay and lesbian associations have been emailing and calling in to protest," said a spokesman for the zoo in the north-western city of Bremerhaven.

Theorizing that perhaps the male penguins had turned gay due to a lack of females, the zoo's director decided to ship in some, get this, Swedish female penguins. (No information as to whether or not they played vollyball.)

And that was too much for gay activists, who saw the scheme as some sort of a flightless-bird conversion process to repress gay penguin activitiy.

But the zoo was quick to attempt to assuage the newly-minted Gay Penguin Lobby:

"Nobody here is trying to break-up same-sex pairs by force," the zoo's director Heike Kueck told public broadcaster NDR.

On the other hand, the zoo is planning to decorate the penguin cage with posters of Daisy Duke and Sports Illustrated football phones. The penguins will also be forced to watch 24-hour A-Team marathons while wearing "Who Farted?" t-shirts.

Update: The zoo suspected the penguins were gay when they were incapable of reading a map to find their way to the closest Waffle House.

(Which article, by the way, sort of suggests that Tall Dave is wrong-- homosexuality probably is largely an innate, in-born phenonmenon.)


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