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February 13, 2005

Drudge: Chris Rock Shock (?)-- Only Gays Watch the Oscars

This is of course ridiculous. Women and effeminate heterosexual men watch the Oscars, too.

A tempest in a teapot, of course, but I guess we'll soon be forced to discuss...

...the fact that the sometimes-ludicrous rules of "sensitivity" and "tolerance" don't really seem to apply to blacks. Damn, how I envy them that.

...and how silly it is that a lot of people are going to get all crazy over the fact that a comic said something, well, comical.

...and that, seriously, if you're watching the Oscars, and you're male, you're probably gay. Or at least "curious" and "open to possibilities." You're not definitely gay, of course, but, in legal terms, the burden of evidence has shifted to you.

At least Chris Rock has given me some reason to talk about the Oscars. Do I really care if Million Dollar Baby beats the Aviator, or if there's a Sideways sweep?

No, I don't. Maybe I'm just a phillistine, but I'm tired of hearing which films I haven't seen are going to win what award I don't care about.

PS: Don't ever say to me "Oscar loves a comeback story" or "Oscar loves Hollywood royalty," or I'll go all Jeff Gannon on your ass.

Top Ten Headlines Which Are Slightly Less Shocking Than "Only Gays Watch the Oscars"

10. Harvard Study: Men "Really Dig" Oral Sex

9. Groundbreaking "Garfield" Cartoon to Mention Fondness for Lasagna, Distaste for Mondays

8. Nigerian Doctor Needs Your Kind Assistance in Freeing 40 (Forty) Million US Dollars in Gold From Ivory Coast Bank

7. Sex Shock: Your Girlfriend Is Lowballing You About the Number of Men She's Slept With

6. Maureen Dowd Admits She's Had "No Fucking Clue What She's Talking About" For Past Six Years

5. As Howard Dean Delivers Fiery Speech, Head Explodes, Just Like in "Scanners"

4. Thirty-Five Year Old Man Futilely Attempts to Listen to Top 40 Radio; Says, "What the hell is this crap?," Then Puts In an Old Queensryche Tape

3. Controversial Film-Maker Michael Moore Decides That Yes, He Will Have That Second Bearclaw After All

2. Witnesses Near Area 51 Report "Brightly-Colored Jeff Gannons" Hovering in the Skies

...and the Number One Headline Slightly Less Shocking Than "Only Gays Watch the Oscars"...

1. Andrew Sullivan Endorses John Kerry, Takes Your "Bandwidth Donations," and Flees to Europe


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posted by Ace at 10:27 PM

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