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January 19, 2005


These assholes, in the guise of either being "funny" or instructing you how not to disrupt Bush's inauguration, are actually oh-so-cutely telling anarchists and assorted other dipshits how to spoof air controllers into thinking DC might be under attack by unknown aircraft.

Consider the time when you transport your balloons. For instance, if the wind speed is 15mph and you are 30 miles upwind from Washington, make sure you don't accidentally release any balloons 2 hours before the Ceremony. Keep in mind that winds aloft are stronger than on the surface, so this may not be a perfect formula for determining the worse time to lose a balloon, it may be sooner. Whatever you do, don't lose them at 15 minute intervals, because if all of them were lost this way, at least one would most certainly be overhead during the Inauguration which would be a real disaster.

Don't tie long strips of aluminum foil on your balloons. This is very dangerous, because if one of your balloons was accidentally blown from your hands, these bits of foil would make the balloon have a radar cross section of a 747. You wouldn't want the Air Force to think the skies over Washington were filled with commercial airliners, especially in the no fly zone.

Always wear gloves when handling your Mylar balloons. The sharp edges can cause cuts on your hand if not handled properly, and besides, who wants those smudgy fingerprints, that ruin the shiny surface, for all to see.


Hopefully, enough people in the Washington area will take this advice and there will be no problems in the skies over the Inauguration. After all, you wouldn't want the President's speech drown out by the sounds of interceptor jets, would you?

You know what else we wouldn't want to happen? We wouldn't want the Secret Service to raid this asshole's house and then, mistakenly believing him to be armed, beat him repeatedly about the face until his teeth fly out of his mouth like popcorn.

We definitely would not want that to happen, and I advise the Secret Service against doing so most strenuously.

Thanks to See-Dubya.

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posted by Ace at 03:19 PM

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