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January 08, 2005

Son of Nixon Despondent Over Aniston-Pitt Split

Well, he's all broken up about it.

Me? I'm ecstatic. He's finally back on the market!

Update: Did I say "he"? I meant "she." Of course I meant "she."

Sure, Brad Pitt can just turn me into jelly with his witheringly blue eyes and his pecs sculpted by Rodan,* but Jennifer Anniston has...

Well, you know, whatever it is women have that makes them so, um, "hot." You know-- she's good a very keen eye for kitschy-cute handbags.

* You may think I mean the celebrated French neoclassical artist, but in fact I mean the giant Japanese bat-monster. He's a real talent, and has been featured prominently in several of Yoko Ono's highly-publicized but under-attended "installations."

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posted by Ace at 02:29 PM

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