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January 07, 2005

I Did Not See This Coming: Arabs Blame US, Israel For Tsunami

I'd like to put a big Drudge Siren on this entirely unexpected development, but a mere siren would understate my absolute shock at these people now blaming America and Jews for earthquakes:

The January 4, 2005 NBC Nightly News showed clips from alArabiya television, which is popular all over the Arab world, where many commentators seriously "proved" that the Big Satan (the US) and the Little Satan (Israel) set off underground nuclear explosions which resulted in the earthquake and subsequent tsunami.

There's also video clips of these Steven-Hawking-level geniuses pontificating on plate tectonics and subsurface hydrogen-bomb detonations. Apparently the Koran has much to say about the potential seismic effects of nuclear explosions.

The Koran. Is there anything it can't do?

Via Isn't It Rich, who has more about the Army's new weapon-firing robots, in case you missed it.

Top Ten Other Bad Things About the Jews -- Apart From Causing Tsunamis -- According to the Koran

10. Sura 9, Verses 5-7: And there shall rise in the west a trashy woman named Madonna; and she will falsely proclaim the teachings of the mystical Jewish Khaballah; and she will never shut up about it, always droning on and on in that ludicrous fake British accent. Such is blasphemy.

9. Sura 21, Verse 3: You know who really sticks in Allah's craw? Topol ("Tevye" from Fiddler on the Roof). And do not even get the Maker of Worlds started in on Ben Gazzarra.

8. Sura 16, Verses 10-11: By their patronage of Chinese restaurants shall ye know them. The streets will overflow with discarded beef-and-broccoli cartons, which food is unclean and an abomination in Allah's eyes.

7. Sura 18, Verse 11: By the testimony of God Himself, the Mary Tyler Moore show will never be the same when Rhoda leaves for her own spin-off.

6. Sura 12, Verses 11-13: And the Hebrews will rise up, and they will take control of the broadcast media; and this is abomination, for they will continue giving Pat O'Brien a career. Allah has no patience for Pat O'Brien. Neither is He too thrilled with Bob Costas.

5. Sura 4, Verses 15-16: And do not trust a people who puts so much emphasis on finding a quality delicatessen. A nice chicken salad is a lunch; it is not a philosophy of life.

4. Sura 8, Verse 5: Wherever the Jews go, they spread discord and lies; listen not to Mitch Albom, nor read his over-praised books, for he is a crashing bore.

3. Sura 2, Verses 5-10: If you work in an office, do not work in an office amongst Jews in the months of September or October; for they take off a sick number of days. Like, wicked-sick. It's like one gargantuan forty-day Shabbat. And well and truly, you will be stuck doing all the work, and coming in on weekends, which is hateful in Allah's eyes, for you will miss the first half of football season.

2. Sura 12: And the Prophet Mohammed asked his followers, "What is the deal with latkes anyway? The way those people go on about them, you'd think they were talking about grilled shrimp."

...and the Number One Other Bad Thing About Jews, as Detailed in the Koran...

1. Sura 7, Verses 7-9: No matter what they say, Hannukah is not a real holiday, and they will only admit this when you ask them point-blank. And then they will giggle at you, and you will feel embarassed for being deceived for so long.


Yes, Another Re-Post, What an F'n' Shock, Huh? Update: See, I was putting together a top ten in my head, when I realized that I was just doing this same list over again, basically. Same references-- Ben Gazzara, Topol.

So, I figured, what the hell. It's going to be the same basic jokes all over again anyway; might as well just repost the thing.


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posted by Ace at 04:15 PM

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