Sponsored Content
« Commando Kerry "Distracted" by Saddam Hussein-- Two Months After 9-11 | Main | Fall Fundraising Drive »
October 26, 2004

Top Ten Announcements Which are Less Shocking Than Andrew Sullivan's Endorsement of John Kerry

10. Stung by charges that he is a serial fabricator, John Kerry seeks to improve his reputation for honesty by changing his campaign slogan to John Kerry: I Shit You Not

9. 2005's Oscar Winner for Best Actor? Gallagher

8. The American government finally admits the moon landing was faked, calling it a "college prank" that just "took on a life of its own;" also admits that no person named "Chuck Yeager" ever actually existed

7. After begging like railroad hobo, Ace of Spades finally gets a taste of that sweeeet and crazy blog-money he's heard so much about; buys a hot Ducati and kills self attempting to back out of garage

6. Liberal judges admit that primary foundation for most of their rulings is not in fact the Constitution, but the late-sixties hippie cartoons Free to Be You and Me and Yellow Submarine; conservative legal precedents heretofore described as "Blue Meanie dicta"

5. Without explanation, Germans suddenly find David Hasselhof strangely banal

4. At 12:01 AM EST December 12, 2004, MTV breaks format by actually displaying a music video; video in question is tenatively scheduled to be Huey Lewis' Hip to be Square

3. GM unveils new energy-saving car, "the Kleagle," an automobile powered by nothing but pure racial hatred; the celebrity pitchman? Who else-- Leonard Nimoy

2. Bill Clinton rises from his sickbed to campaign for John Kerry; whenever he feels he's losing the crowd, he starts doing that "I'm coming for you!" heart-attack schtick from Sanford & Son

... and the number one announcement that's actually less shocking than Andrew Sullivan's endorsement of John Forbes Kerry...

1. Americans with poor eyesight lobby to replace insensitive term "nearsighted" with more-positive, less-offensive sounding "persons whose eyes are retarded"

Update: Guest blogging at Instapundit, Megan McCardle slaps up Sully's dopey endorsement of Kerry.

Hey-- someone had to read the stupid thing. Better her than me.

digg this
posted by Ace at 02:13 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
RedMindBlueState[/i][/b][/s][/u]: "Don't spend the money on the purpose-built Sous Vi ..."

rhennigantx: "267 COVID did great damage to churches. People ..."

Lizzy[/i]: ">> COVID did great damage to churches. Not all, ..."

Kentucky kid: "My comment on Fetterman was a bit tongue in cheek. ..."

Tonypete: "Good morning everyone. Coffeeeeeeee. . . . ..."

Tom Servo : "Fines paid to NGO's, etc: the purpose: if you co ..."

"Perfessor" Squirrel: "That is why they are so certain he MUST have done ..."

Taq, Rickrolled by Jesus: "Some AI art... Twitter link. https://is.gd/h1Pp ..."

CharlieBrown'sDildo: "Do you attach the heater unit thingy to the side o ..."

Commissar Hrothgar (hOUT3) ~ This year in Corsicana - again! ~ [/i][/b][/u][/s]: "[i]Someday you will miss all that sort of stuff. ..."

San Franpsycho: "Trump has been proven the cleanest man in politics ..."

Cat Ass Trophy: "COVID did great damage to churches. People got ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64