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August 30, 2004

Top Ten Things Which Are Important to Andrew Sullivan

(ranked in order of ascending importance)

10. Scoring front-row tickets to a Madonna concert and enough Ecstacy to make it through all of her new shit without falling asleep

9. Winning a victory in the War on Terror, and thereby safeguarding and securing the very continued existance of our civilization

8. Ikea

7. Collecting enough money in the "bandwidth fund" to buy that adorable cobalt-blue PT Cruiser with the kitschy-cute leatherette seats (categorized in the accounting-books as a "physical-transport bandwidth upgrade")

6. His treasured tool-box filled with sketch-pads, sketching pencils, charcoals, and watercolors; or, as he calls them, his "Tools of the Soul"

5. Delighting over the pro-metrosexual subtext of Goofus and Gallant cartoons ("Goofus goes out with a head of hair that can break a rake/Gallant uses Paul Mitchell styling gel to sculpt his "fauxhawk" doo; Goofus watches television all night/Gallant reads Oscar Wilde and weightlifting magazines")

4. His three beloved beagles, named Reagan, Thatcher, and Mr. McFloppyears

3. The annual Provincetown "Top-Hats & White Spats" Ball

2. That a socially liberal "conservative" party will one day form, led by John McCain, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rudy Guilliani, and disco diva Kylie Minogue

...and the Number One Thing Which is Important to Andrew Sullivan...

1. Electing a President who bravely, candidly, and forthrightly states his support for Sullivan's "right" to marry a man; or, barring that, then electing John Forbes Kerry


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posted by Ace at 04:02 PM

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