Having It Both Ways, Again: Terezzza Sezza Attacks on Husband Hurt Troop Morale | Main | Steven Seagal: Don't Rent to Him
August 27, 2004

An Open Letter to My Most Recent Spammer

Dear "Colin,"

I regret to inform you that I must decline your offer to "check out" your "hot new webcam." What you may do with your "buff, sexy young friends" is your business, but not mine.

Furthermore, I do not appreciate your unsolicited invitation to participate in "sexy hot web-chat or whatever you're into."

It's the "whatever" that especially bothers me. "Whatever" covers an awful lot of ground in a place I'd really rather not go.

I thank you for your thoughtfulness in offering me what you believe to be a "can't-miss deal." I wish you continued success in your endeavors to "provide the hottest man-on-man action available on the Internet" as well as "the world's biggest archive of candid photos of bi-curious freshmen."


Ace of Spades HQ

PS: I believe the photo you sent me, identified as "Blake from Princeton," is actually a shot of Sam J. Johnson from Flash Gordon. The "Flash" t-shirt is a definite tip-off, as is the fact that he's speaking with Max Von Sydow as Ming the Merciless (and not a "Discipline-Obsessed Spanish Teacher," as your caption mistakenly alleges).

I trust you will correct this misidentification as promptly as possible.

PPS: On the other hand, I find your offer of "natural male enhancement" intriguing.

Does this "natural male enhancement" involve guano? Because I've tried that, and the only thing that enhanced was the propensity of my dork to stink of batshit.

Furthermore, whenever I put on the cream, I notice that hummingbirds keep flying directly into my package. I don't know if that's due to the guano or the "exotic berry extract" lotion I'm also using but, either way, it's a tremendous distraction at work.

As you can probably imagine.

Assuming your "new patented miracle formula" contains only trace amounts of bat guano and/or rare Asian fruits, please send me an information packet and free sample.

digg this
posted by Ace at 03:52 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Obama waving from Martha's Vineyard: "Taco in a bag? How does that work? ..."

CharlieBrown'sDildo: "[i]Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey ..."

Cicero kaboom kid shouts at guy near third rail: "157 I remember Paul Prudhomme saying his devout Ca ..."

AshevilleRobert: ""Asheville Robert - Did you see my comment on earl ..."

Misanthropic Humanitarian Not Andrew McCabe: "180 I see your Kath and Hendrix and raise you a Ga ..."

Donna&&&&&&V : "That happens if you use a lot of hyphens to make a ..."

CharlieBrown'sDildo: " you can park for as low as $10 if you want to wal ..."

Reggie: ">>offering a male sex doll to curious straig ..."

freaked: "'The company said they would not make child sex do ..."

AshevilleRobert: ""When was it that we had the 30 inches of snow in ..."

JuJuBee, just generally being shamey: "Maybe, Maybe not. We're right on that line. Poste ..."

rickl: "[i]155 Some assinine councilman in Queens wants ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64