Saturday Night "Club ONT" August 9, 2025 [The 3 Ds]

Welcome to Club ONT! A collaboration of your Sunday through Wednesday ONT Crew - The Disco, The Doggo, and The Dino. Arrive like a storm, dressed like the wallpaper. If you read the rules, congratulations. You are now the Director of HR for the evening.

Saturday Night Jokes and Other Funnies

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop. He asks the assistant, "Do you have European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week."

The assistant checks the computer and then says, "Certainly. Would you like to listen before you buy it?"

The expert replies, "Of course!" The assistant hands him a pair of earphones and puts the record on a turntable near the counter, and turns it on.

The expert listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, "I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?"

The assistant checks the turntable. "Yes, sir," he says. "This is the European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. Let me skip ahead to the second track." Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "This just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds."

The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle to the next track.

As soon as the track starts playing, the expert throws off the headphones. "This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"

The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over. "What seems to be the problem, sir?"

The expert turns to him, red-faced and fuming. "This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"

The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly. "I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side."

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Club ONT Language School

Drink of the Night

Paper Plane Cocktail

If you love the bitterness of an Aperol Spritz, but enjoy the body of a old fashioned, the Paper Plane cocktail may just be the perfect drink for you.

This modern cocktail was created in 2008 by NYC bartender Sam Ross and is the perfect marriage of bourbon, Amaro, and Aperol.

Ingredients:
3/4 ounce Aperol
3/4 ounce Amaro Nonino
3/4 ounce bourbon
1/2 ounce lemon juice

Directions:
Add a handful of ice to a cocktail shaker along with the Aperol, Amaro, bourbon, and lemon juice and shake for 15 seconds.
Strain into a coupe glass and serve immediately.
The cocktail can be garnished with a paper plane or an orange or lemon twist.
Enjoy!

Club ONT - Moron Cat

Klepto Kitty - Morons Left Pantless

With dozens of items unclaimed, the embarrassed owner took her search for Leo’s victims wider this month, posting photos of his hauls on a local Facebook page along with an apology and her address. Those who showed up to claim their belongings included a woman who recognized her pink and purple underpants and a boy whose beloved and missing sports jersey was helpfully identifiable by his name printed on the back.

Club ONT Moron Mobile

Looks like the car of your cool uncle. Has the same amount of wheels as a 911 but more seating for Morons. Who likes this car? Those that appreciate things like competence and khakis. If you're the rebel type, it is pretty easy to disappear into the Midwest while enjoying AM radio.

Club ONT Moments of Nostalgia

Hey Disco! Found your people!

[Disco says: Hey ladies! How YOU doin'? Let's get FUNKY!]

Carried us through the 90's. Sound up.

AOL says it will discontinue dial-up internet on September 30

May this sound echo in eternity:pic.twitter.com/I0zKIPERbX

— Morning Brew ☕️ (@MorningBrew) August 9, 2025

Club ONT Department of Corrections News

Old news, but on the chance you missed it the first time around:
Former jail guards sentenced for using "Baby Shark" to punish Oklahoma inmates

Two former Oklahoma County jail guards have pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor cruelty charge for forcing inmates to listen to "Baby Shark" as punishment.

Gregory Cornell Butler Jr. and Christian Charles Miles were put on probation for two years and fined $200.

They also were ordered to pay $300 in victims' compensation and complete 40 hours of community service. They were also banned from working in law enforcement.

The two guards further mistreated inmates by playing children's music loudly on a loop, investigators reported. Both resigned after coming under investigation.

The criminal case centered on four victims, but investigators believe there were more.

One victim said he had to listen to "Baby Shark" for two hours straight, according to an investigative report. Another said the "weird little song" was blaring and played "over and over and over again."

Cruel and unusual punishment.

Club ONT Wholesome Content Department

Club ONT Music

Cliff Clavin says: Little known fact. The original Thompson Twins in 1977 line-up consisted of four people and none of them were twins. At various stages, they had up to seven members, but their best known line-up was as a trio from 1982 to 1986.

The name comes from two bumbling detectives named Thomson and Thompson in the English language version of The Adventures of Tintin, a comics series. Thompson and Thompson are close doubles but not twins, the naming makes even less sense.

Some other twins

Top 10ish Comments of the Week. Or thereabout...

Club ONT brought to you by rulz:

Club ONT regrets that the M&Ms in the large jar on the bar are not equally distributed in color. Some guy named Dave came in just before opening and demanded that the brown ones be removed.

posted by Open Blogger at 10:00 PM

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