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We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Thanks for this post, I am a big fan of this website would like to proceed updated.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

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A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

A hen is only an eggÂ’s way of making another egg.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

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Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Forget not that the dry land pleases to experience your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. 

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

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If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

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Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

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Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

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I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

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When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Boy, is my face red! Fingering a suspect means something totally different at the police station, you guys

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

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Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

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In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Substantive said. As a realist, I assume that an empty discussion is a waste of time.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

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Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

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Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

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Why don't you write books people can read?

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

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I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

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Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

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Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

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If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

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Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

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USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

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It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

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Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

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They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

I'll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)

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Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

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Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

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Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

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First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Don't buy an Easy Water system without first checking out my review

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

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An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

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It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

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Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

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Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

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The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

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To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

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We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

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If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

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My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

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University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

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If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

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The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

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We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

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If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

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It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

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The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

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If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

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The minister said that part of the cave's redevelopment, representing an overall Government investment of $51 million, would be to create linkages between it and other surrounding heritage tourism sites such as Welchman Hall Gully, the Flower Forest and Jack-In-The-Box Gully.
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A shop offering souvenirs and other gift items is also being planned as an addition to Harrison Cave's revenue stream, Thompson added.
She also noted that several land acquisitions had to be undertaken to facilitate the cave's redevelopment; and there were therefore a number of people due for compensation.
She added that all of the residents whose properties would be used either partially or in full had been contacted by the National Heritage Department, Ministry of Housing and Lands, and the Land Surveyors Department, and had retained attorneys to handle the negotiations.

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