Football Picks Reminder | Main | Open Thread And Link Dump
October 12, 2007

Jack M. for 2008 Nobel Peace Prize

To expand on Drew's post, this is what the committee said it awarded the prize to Gore for having done:

Indications of changes in the earth's future climate must be treated with the utmost seriousness, and with the precautionary principle uppermost in our minds. Extensive climate changes may alter and threaten the living conditions of much of mankind. They may induce large-scale migration and lead to greater competition for the earth's resources. Such changes will place particularly heavy burdens on the world's most vulnerable countries. There may be increased danger of violent conflicts and wars, within and between states.
(Emph. added)

So, if I have this straight, Gore won for evangelizing a bogus theory which, presumably, has led to action which prevented (or not) future competition for resources, future conflicts, and future wars which haven't happened yet and which may (or may not) ever occur.

Got it?

Which I think is a great precedent! If one can win a Nobel Peace Prize for preventing events from transpiring which never actually would have happened anyway, than I am your man.

After all, look at my resume:

2010: Jack M. prevented the Indo-Russo-Sino "War of the Ganges" by posting a hilarious "fisking" of Vladimir Putin's webpage on AoSHQ.

2017: Jack M. prevented the "North Korea-South Korea Border Smackdown" by publishing an epic poem about Suzanne Sena on AoSHQ that convinced the Norks that the path to beauty runs through capitalism.

2025: Jack M. prevented the "Jovian-Mars" "Battle of the (Asteroid) Beltway" by sponsoring a caption contest ridiculing those goofy residents of Saturn on the AoSIntergalacticHQ website.

2053: Jack M. invented a hyperspace drive which enabled Han Solo to set a record on the Kessel Run. This record run led to new trade routes that alleviated resource shortages in a galaxy far, far away.

2100: Jack M.'s posting of the first "HamNation" is finally received by the residents of Omicron Perseii VIII, saving the Earth from brutal annexation.

Look at all the lives I may have saved! Even when you subtract the lives taken in Ace's "Hobo Sprees" I still come out ahead!

Certainly, this tremendous accomplishment deserves to be recognized. What about it Nobel Committee?

UPDATE: Being a humble sort of guy, I left several of my achievements off my resume. The commenter know as EC (but who Ace refers to as "slowhand" for some reason...) has decided to add a few of my accomplishments to my Nobel Application. Feel free to do the same!

2161: JackM's leadership and diplomacy abilities helps to form the United Federation of Planets.

Posted by: EC at October 12, 2007 10:56 AM (mAhn3)

digg this
posted by Jack M. at 11:29 AM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Jim[/i][/b][/s][/u]: "Lost in Space. No doubt, you've visited the wroug ..."

aawlberninf350: "Thank you, thank you, thank you, for the hypotheti ..."

LostInSpace: "378 Jim - Spreading ashes --- My ashes belong ..."

JQ, a hick in the sticks: "Love the deck pics! Could be my own deck, except m ..."

Jim[/i][/b][/s][/u]: "Lost in Space. I've got more Gold Wing miles amon ..."

JQ, a hick in the sticks: "Moon was brilliant red-orange as it rose tonight, ..."

LostInSpace: "375 - Jim Galveston --- I have come to think of ..."

Jim[/i][/b][/s][/u]: "Lost in Space. Your New Mexico skies echo what' ..."

Mike Hammer, etc., etc.: "Whole lot of 'em just needed to be held, safely, a ..."

Aetius451AD: " Mars, despite the distance, is a bit less hostil ..."

Jim[/i][/b][/s][/u]: "[i]..In the end, a sad, sad story, that lady's lif ..."

Cato, Post-Apocalyptic Scourge of the Seas: "When the NASA moon contract was in debate and Bide ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64