A Guest Post by Charlie Crist

Many of you are wondering what I am going to run on should I declare an independent candidacy for the United States Senate.

I think the most compelling issue is abundantly clear. Quite simply, I am going to run on the platform of Repeal & Replace!

Seriously...doesn't that link prove my conservative bona-fides to you wingnuts? What more do you want out of me?

Oh...and maybe I'll try to get Bill Clinton a Congressional Gold Medal for sending that Cuban punk back to Havana. During the primary campaign, I came to appreciate just how prudent and farsighted a gesture that was. In fact, as I gazed upon the increasing distance between myself and Speaker Rubio in the polls, I often found myself asking "Where is Janet Reno when she's really needed?"

So, that's pretty much it. Repealing the tanning tax and deporting inconvenient Cubans before they have a chance to grow up and run against you.

That's really all I got. Obama's stimulating everything else just fine, I think.

Well, that's not really true. I do have one other selling point.

I blow one mean Conch! That's important to Florida's voters, especially those who live in the Keys. Why, on a good day, one can see virtually unlimited conch roaming wild and free in their native habitat!

See...here I am putting my talent to full, effective use.

People tell me I have a natural talent for it. "Charlie," they say "you seem like a guy who's blown a lot of conch." I also hear voters tell me that "Washington is full of conch-suckers like you" and that makes me confident that I'll fit in just fine! Unlike my two opponents, Rubio and Meek, who I have never seen blow a conch. I don't think anyone's ever even alleged it.

I mean, that has to count for something, right? My "learning curve" will be much shorter than theirs, and I will be able to get to work on behalf of Floridians that much quicker.

The more I think about it, the more excited I get! I can see it now....hanging out in the cloakrooms, voting with the Democrats 95% of the time, and transforming myself into a one man Chamber of Commerce for Florida Conch.

I have to end this post now, as I have a phone call from Senator Graham to return. He wants to discuss a "comprehensive conch cap and trade" bill, and I am eager to show my ability to reach around the aisle.

See you fine folks in November!

Charlie "a conch in every pot" Crist.

posted by Jack M. at 04:13 PM

| Access Comments