Helter Skelter: Free Charles Manson! [Jack M.]

It doesn't have quite the same ring as "Free Mumia!", does it?

In any event, this is the topic of a hilarious tongue-in-cheek article that appears in The American Thinker entitled "Charles Manson's Path to Freedom". The author, noting that Manson has been rejected in 10 consecutive parole hearings has some helpful tips for how Manson can make his case a cause celebre and guarantee a successful outcome to his upcoming hearing.

So how does one go about winning sympathy for the devil, you may be asking? It's easy! Just follow the following steps:

1. Start Bashing Bush. This is chum in shark-infested waters. Like voting in Chicago, you should do this early and often. This action will immediately establish your credentials as a tough, nuanced, and sophisticated thinker.....

2. Convert to Islam. People will immediately think of Cat Stevens because he converted to Islam, and you look like him. Who can support someone’s imprisonment when humming “Longer boats are coming to win us…�? Any believer loves a convert, and this step will inspire our friends at CAIR. We can probably easily convince them to start running stories about how it was the Mossad who pulled of the Tate-LaBianca killings back in the late sixties.....

3.Announce Your Support for “Women’s Issues.� Repeat often how much you admire and how much you have learned from Katha Pollitt and the heiress, Katrina Van den Heuval. Cite The Nation as the deepest thing that you have ever read, other than Chomsky, of course. In very solemn tones mention that you much prefer peace to war, which you can then characterize as a “patriarchal construction.� Announce your support for oppressed women everywhere, but don’t get specific here. Never mention Juanita Broderick, Paula Jones, or Muslim women....

4. Lose The Swasika On Your Forehead. There are many talented plastic surgeons in Southern California. A nip here and tuck there, and like magic the swastika can be turned into a peace symbol.....

5. Court Hollywood Celebrities. If you rigorously follow steps one through four, this tactic is relatively simple. Our strategy, if carried out properly, is boob-bait for the Hollywood bubbas. Nick Clooney, Mike Farrell, Babs Streisand, Sean Penn, Ed Asner et al. simply cannot resist this sort of thing.

Of course, the author expands on these points more thoroughly then what I have excerpted here, so you really should go read the whole thing.

I'd say more about this topic, but I'm convinced that the lyrics to George Harrison's song "Piggies" are telling me I should go watch the early football games.

So I leave the further commenting to you. Keep this thought in mind though:

"I got blisters on my fingers!"

This place got workman's comp?

posted by Ace at 12:22 PM

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