You Have Senate Questions? Jack has Senate Answers. [Jack M.]

OK, as the most important guest blogger on this site, I'm pretty pissed that Ace chose not to acknowledge my contributions to his moron blog. Do I need to get Vinny Falcone to ride his ass?

If that were not enough, one or two posts later I find that he is outsourcing his questions about the Senate, when he has a 10 year veteran Senate staffer volunteering his time as a guest blogger already!

The indignity of it all.

So, I'm retaliating in the only way available to me. I'm gonna post even more often, and see just how far I can cause his traffic to dip.

Here's the deal. Do you have questions about how the Senate operates on a daily basis? Or about things you might have seen on C-span that you weren't real sure about? Or about the Senate/Senators in general? If so, leave a question in the comments and I will do what I can to answer your questions, straight up.

Obviously, I can't take the time to answer 100+ questions. I'm a very important man, after all. But I will read thru your submissions and select roughly 10 or so, and attempt to answer them for you in an extended entry update.

In the meantime, I'm going to be typing up my resume for submission to HotAir as a future guest blogger.

I mean, if I'm going to be ignored by someone, I'd rather it be a babe like Malkin than a dweeb like Ace.

Update: Ok..before I finished this post, Ace edited his to include me after all. Does this mean my acts of retaliatory posting are being called off? Of course not. It's a matter of personal honor. And, of course, my only real forum for continuing my flirting with Mary Katharine Ham.

UPDATE 2: Selected questions are answered in the extended entry.

OK...so I read all the questions that you morons submitted, and I realized that my well-intentioned proposal to give you jokers the civics lesson of a lifetime was, sadly, being spurned.

Then I remembered that the Steelers were playing tonight, and this helped me get to the heart of the matter quickly. I am only going to answer questions while halftime lasts..and since it has just started, this has to be quick and dirty.

Which, by the way, is how I hear Senator Kennedy likes it.

To the questions!

Jack,

1) Did you ever have "relations" with Jessica Cutler? (Evil Chihuahua)

Answer:

Nope. And there were times when I felt like I was the only person on Capitol Hill who hadn't. I did, however, once meet the Judiciary Staffer who worked for Senator DeWine and who was mentioned quite prominently in Cutler's "Washingtonienne" blog as her "boyfriend". I think this means he was the only guy that was sleeping with her and not paying for it. At least not monetarily.

2) Does it constitute "flirting" when one party greets the other's advances with a slightly embarrassed silence? (John)

Answer:

I take it recent developments mean you no longer question my game, John.

3) Do the senators actually read and study the information on subjects they talk about or do their staffers prepare all. I know that if they bash Bush, they can do it in their sleep. But, how about important stuff. They are forever opening their mouths about something, but, they need it written down before they can come up with anything, other than hate that is. (Sue)

Answer:

You know, this is really a good question. Some Senators do, but some rely almost exclusively upon their staff to provide them with enough info so that they can "get by" on the issues of the day.

In extreme instances, you have the case of Senator Thurmond, who, as he approached 100, became less and less lucid. In his last days in the Senate, his office was essentially run by his Chief of Staff, and Senator Thurmond 's statements were, in many instances, heavily scripted by his staff.

As a general rule, the longer a Senator has been in office the more reliant he is on his staff to provide him with quick summaries. This is because many issues that arise are composed of arguments that these Senators have been having for years, and while they may not know all the notes, they certainly know the tune.

Many Senators, though, do take it upon themselves to become "experts" in certain fields. As examples, Senator Jon Kyl probably knows more about the Kyoto Treaty than anyone alive. And, to her credit, Senator Mikulski has a thorough understanding of NASA.

4) How do we get the career politicians who are re-elected ad nauseum out of office? People like Levin and Conyers do not even campaign anymore. Is it really impossible to set limits? (Sweet Jayne)

Answer:

I think term limits are really your only hope, Jayne. (Good to see you, by the way!). And while it is not impossible to set limits (some Senators campaign on personally setting and voluntarily abiding by them), I think it will take a Constitutional Amendment to do it. And I also think it would take a state Called Constitutional Convention to force the issue, as the current political climate would not deliver the 67 votes you would need for ratification.

5)Who is the biggest SOB to his/her staff (and other Senate staff)?

GOP- Arlen Specter has the worst reputation.
DEM- Clinton has a reputation for being difficult to work for.

6)Who is the biggest philanderer?

While I was there, I think the biggest "serial dater" was Sen. Fred Thompson (who was single, by the way). Every black-tie function I attended saw him with a different (and extremely attractive) blonde. Whether it was Lori Morgan, or Kellyanne Fitzpatrick, or some other budding hollywood starlet, Sen. Thompson was a playa'.

7)Who is the nicest to his/her staff (and other Senate staff)?

GOP-Sen. Jesse Helms (retired) and Sen. Elizabeth Dole (R-NC). Senator Collins (R-ME)also is very well thought of by her own staff and by other staffers.
DEM-Sen. Ted Kennedy, in all honesty, has one of the best offices on Capitol Hill and he treats them very well, from all accounts.

8)Who is the biggest drunk?

I only ever witnessed one Senator who appeared by all accounts to be legitimately under the influence while on the Senate floor. That was former Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan, just prior to his retirement. He gave a floor speech and was "helped" to maintain a straight line while walking back to his office thereafter.

9)Who is the biggest personal hypocrite?

The biggest personal hypocrite I met was former Senator Tim Hutchinson (R-Ark). The former preacher left his wife for one of his staffers (who he later married, I think) if I recall events correctly.

10)Who is the laziest?

Democratic Senator Daniel Akaka is usually thought of as the laziest. He produces very little legislation, and makes very few non-voting appearances on the Senate floor.

11)Who is the hardest working?

Former Senator Paul Coverdell (R-Ga) was the single hardest working Senator I ever met. He acted as his own staffer on practically everything he touched.

Among current senators, Senators Jon Kyl (R-Az) and John Cornyn (R-Tx) are probably the hardest working. Among Democrats, Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND) is by far.

12)Who is the most sincere?

GOP: Former Eagle Scout, and current Senator Jeff Sessions (R-AL) is the closest thing to a Goldwater/Reagan true believer in the GOP caucus.
DEM- Former Senator Paul Wellstone was the most sincere in his beliefs. Now it's probably Russ Feingold (D-WI).

13)Who is the smartest Senator and who is the dumbest? (Kasper Hauser)

GOP: Senator Jon Kyl nips Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) in a close contest.
DEM: Senator Conrad.

GOP: Senator Chafee (R-RI). In his defense, he's a decent blacksmith.
DEM: Senators Dayton (D-MN) and Stabenow (D-MI) are incredible mental lightweights.

I hope this brings some insights into the Senate. Maybe I'll post more after the game. Provided the Steelers win, that is.

posted by Ace at 12:37 PM

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